Arrogant

Arrogant? 

What will cross your mind when someone just say that in front of your face?

Punch that person in face :p *nah, I am just kidding* 

But seriously, what would you do when someone say that you arrogant right in front your face?

Arrogant?

I really hate those word specially when someone told that to me. 

Someone that claims to be bestfriend just say that to me.

Even she doesn't say that right in front of my face, just read in my phone just make me so damn irritated

That person whose claim to be my best friend know for sure that i really hate those damn word

Whats the hell was that? 

Whats got into that person mind make that person says those forbidden word.

That person knows me for years (even thought not a hundred thousand year) but she knows me damn well so why is she keep using those forbidden word

After all this time, she always saying those word to me specially when we doesn't chat for a long time.

Whenever she need a shoulder or someone she can talk with, if i could be there for her then I'll be there 

I respect whatever the decision she make in her life, even when she make that sudden change in her life.

I never question her decision what so ever.

You are the one who decided to disappear in everyone's life and now you are also the one whose said i am arrogant.

When you decided to choose that person to be your spouse, with all respect i appreciate your decision because if that person can make you happy than its the right decision.

Even that person try to control your life include control which friend you should hang out, limit your every move.

And all the sudden you have change to someone stranger. 

Someone who i never knew

But then again who am i to say that to you? 

Its your life, your future then its up to you. 

And if you already decided to spend your life time with him, i really wish you all the happiness 

From the deep down inside my heart, wish u a happy and long lasting marriage

Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

That's it

That's it? That's all I can say right now

Noooooooo

After some small accident that happen today, i get scold both from ketua adat and kepala suku hehehe

After I told every single thing that I've felt couple month in the back and its kinda drive me nuts

All ketua adat says is : kerja itu jangan pake hati, apapun yang dulu pernah terucap jangan dimasukin ke hati.

Kalo sekarang kamu dikasih kerjaan trs orang lain yg nerusin that's mean you so damn good.

You will be the head of internal control and what's the hell you trying to do just now, resign?

That was stupid.

Don't you know that Internal control means you supervise every single thing everyone did and you will have your own team. You will be the head of internal control.

It mean something than just doing some paper work accounting sheet.

They told you to built an SOP of something then hand it to someone else to continue and then they told you to make another SOP of something

You know what's that all about : they know what's your capable of doing, they know you are great at this so that why they give you this assignment

So what if your background was finance and you don't do finance work.

Work means that do a lot of different task not doing the same task over and over again.

Internal control means you supervise everything and that's means you will learn so much about every single thing

U said that you don't have any job to do.

Its a new school for god sake so its natural if there's nothing much to do

If you don't have anything to do then by all mean read something, learn something, practice something

You know what they give you this assignment because they know that you are that good that's why.

Don't just give up and said I don't do this because this isn't my specialty.

Work is never ending learning

Keep fighting

Prove it to them that you are so much better than this

If you really can't handle it anymore then by all means just quit but then what will you do next?

Do you already have plan or got a new job again?

Dear, working isn't about doing the same thing over and over again.

If that's what you think about working well then I guess I was wrong send you to college and study all those thing

Working is always learn something new, something different, something that's not always our specialty.

Your new job that they were given its great.

By all means its like that they give you promotion without you realized it

Just give it a try and see what's happen next please

If you already try it and it was not as you think it was and couldn't handle it again then you can resign

I never teach you to run from responsibility just like you did today

I know this isn't like what in you have in mind about that dream job but you already choose to have this job so do your job with the very best effort you can give

Give it a try and probably you might like and love this job a lot

If you can't handle this then by all means you won't survive in anywhere because no matter where you work, stuff like this always happen

Give it sometime :)

Don't give a damn about what's been said in the past because what's happen in the past stay in the past

Just think positive that the reason they give you this job because they know that you are damn good at this and they want to teach you everything so that why they make you Head of Internal Control.

They know that you can do much more than just doing some finances sheet.

You should be grateful that they give you that position, that's because they know you can growth much more than before.

Its a great opportunity and sadly I can't think any single thing why you want to resign because of this?

I never teach my kids to run from responsibility and I really don't want you to do that

Give it a try and see what's happen next.

Well after that long word with ketua adat, I realized that I was take this the wrong way.

I let the heart, the anger take control and simply ignore what mind said

Well I guess that I'll give it a try then, what's harm could it be

*udah malam ngantuk plus pegel nulisnya*

Good night

Terdampar

Sesaat tersadar bahwa diri tersesat dalam hutan belantara yang penuh dengan jebakan mematikan yang dapat merengut jiwa dari raga dalam sekejap 

Tersesat tanpa petunjuk arah, kompas ataupun peta

Tersesat seorang diri dalam hutan belantara tanpa mengetahui jalan mana yang harus ditempuh untuk kembali ke peradaban

Kembali dalam peradaban yang terlihat begitu nyaman, teratur meski sama menakutkan seperti hutan belantara.

Peradaban yang teramat sangat dirindukan seolah semakin tak terjangkau olehnya

Peradaban dan segala sesuatu yang dahulu sedikit diremehkan sekarang menjadi obsesi tak berkesudahan

Semakin hari hutan belantara itu menjadi tempat menakutkan, menyeramkan dan sangat tak nyaman untuk menetap disana

Jangan ditanya entah berapa puluh juta kali mencari jalan keluar dari hutan belantara tetapi hasilnya hanyalah kegagalan dan kegagalan

Kegagalan yang berulang terjadi menjadikannya pesimis yang memandang rendah dirinya

Segala pandangan optimis yang dulu ada seolah hilang tak berbekas ditiup angin

Kini tak ada lagi ucapan optimis dengan percaya diri berpuluh juta yang dulu dimiliki

Yang ada kini hanyalah label pecundang yang dimiliki

Pecundang yang sama sekali tak boleh berharap

Bahkan berharap untuk keajaiban sudah tak lagi ada dalam dirinya

Semua sudah hilang lenyap tak berbekas diterpa debu

Jangan berharap bahwa dia yang sekarang adalah orang yang dahulu mempunyai semangat juang terdahsyat, Percaya diri berpuluh juta, pandangan optimis yang menakjubkan.

Saat ini dia hanyalah seseorang yang tersesat dihutan belantara. Entah kapan akhirnya bisa keluar dari hutan belantara dan kembali ke peradaban 

Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Suntuk

Suntuk? 


Gundah? 

Well everyone have their own time.

Its my darkness time (again).


Ngga pernah merasa sesuntuk dan sebuntu ini seolah tak ada lagi jalan keluar yang bisa dilalui 

Don't ask why or what happened because I don't really know the answer.

Pernah ngga merasa buntu tentang semua hal yang (selalu) ngga berjalan dengan mulus. 

Semua hal terasa begitu rumit, menyebalkan dan buntu

Saat semua yang biasa terjadi menjadi teramat sangat rumit tak ubah seperti puzzle abstrak

Sungguh teramat sangat tersiksa dengan ketidakberdayaan ini. 

Saat semua yang kulakukan menjadi tak berarti, tak berharga dan tiada artinya. 

Saat kegagalan menjadi teman terbaik dimana seharusnya kegagalan pergi berkelana ke satu tempat 

Halusinasi busuk apa lagi yang kurasakan saat ini? 

Disaat rutinitas biasa menjadi monster yang tak terkendalikan dan menakutkan. 

Disaat semua berkata bahwa ini adalah keniscayaan. 

Keniscayaan? 

Sungguh naif berkata seperti itu seolah apa yang kurasakan hanyalah sebentuk fatamorgana di padang pasir belaka. 

Halusinasikah ini? 

Fatamorganakah ini? 

Saat ini aku tak mempunyai jawabannya 

Entah kapan akan kutemukan jawabannya 

Hingga saat itu datang, aku hanya akan berada disini memakai topeng yang selama ini kukenakan 

*puff* menghilang 

Kegagalan = sukses yang tertunda

Gagal? 

Semua orang pasti pernah merasakan kegagalan.

Well paling tidak mereka berusaha dengan segenap daya dan upaya untuk mengapai sesuatu dan jika hasilnya gagal, at least they already try with their best effort

Lain halnya jika mereka tidak pernah sungguh-sungguh dengan segenap daya dan upaya lalu akhirnya gagal, kalo seperti itu udah ngga heran.

How is it felt when we already did the very best we can do, but the result is failure (again and again)

Introspeksi?

Change the strategy?

Disaat segala daya dan upaya telah dikerahkan sekuat tenaga, tetapi akhirnya harus menerima kenyataan bahwa hasil akhir adalah gagal (lagi dan lagi)

Its sucks.

They say nobody's perfect but I wonder what would they do if every single thing they do always ends up with failure.

Wouldn't it be stressful enough?

Kegagalan adalah sukses yang tertunda (well everyone knows that) tapi apakabar dengan kegagalan yang berulang.

Mungkin mereka akan berkata bahwa orang yang mengalami itu adalah pecundang

Well I guess that was it

I am just simply a looser

Bukan bermaksud mencemooh diri sendiri, menghina diri sendiri tapi saat ini tak ada lagi kepercayaan diri akan kemampuan yang dimiliki.

U can say that I am weak or anything and I simply don't give a damn about it

Disaat terpuruk jauh saat ini dan teramat sangat membutuhkan shoulder to cry on tapi nampaknya semua sedang sibuk dengan kehidupan mereka

Well I guess now its only me, myself and dika

Semoga masih bisa bertahan dan tidak berubah menjadi ajaib

*me, myself and dika*