Sunday, 26 July 2009

terasing



entah mengapa terasa sangat nyaman berada di hutan belantara yang asing...

Keterasingan ini terasa nyaman sehingga mampu mengaburkan segala niat yang telah kuucapkan dalam hati...

Keterasingan yang telah menjadi sahabat karib hingga kini bahkan saat ini sepertinya hendak pergi jauh meninggalkan aku didunia antah berantah....

Aku yang terbiasa dengan ritme keterasingan yang menurutku sangat indah dan menyenangkan agaknya harus mempersiapkan diri menjalani ritme hidup baru jika nantinya keterasingan pergi selamanya dariku....

Bahkan keterasingan pun seolah memusuhiku dengan berkata aku bosan berada disini, sudah saatnya aku pergi mencari kehidupan baru...

Aku sungguh tak habis mengerti mengapa semua harus berubah?

Jika memang semua harus berubah, bolehkah keterasingan tetap menjadi sahabatku yang baik.....

Aku perlu keterasingan berada dalam kehidupanku agar menjaga aku tetap berada di lajur yang normal....

Keterasingan, ku mohon pikirkanlah baik baik niatmu itu....

Aku masih membutuhkanmu disini...

Meskipun nantinya akan ada yang berubah dalam kehidupanku, aku masih dan akan selalu membutuhkanmu...

Friday, 24 July 2009

Nothing

there's nothing else i can do to fix everything.... 

it's a wrap and even its hard to handle for me....



Its take two to tango in every situation....


Its damn obvious i don't expect to be there and why should insist to be there...


i guess its time to give up...


No more try, no more hope anymore...


Que sera sera.. What ever will be will be the future not our to see...


Kun fayakun...


I already did my best to try everything i can to make this whole friendship work out but there's no feedback from her...


Goodbye...


If one day you realized about everything and u can't find me everywhere, don't blame me But blame yourself because your stubbornness take part for my leaving... 

No need to rush back in real life... 


Enjoy your time as long as you want....


I won't bother to make a contact or anything that make you uncomfortable...


No need explain me anything because i don't need an explanation what so ever...


thanks for make me realize who you are!


thanks for giving me a hard lesson about friendship...


Good bye

Unbelieveable



Unbelievable... It's almost 7 years since i decided to become a lecturer assistant...

There so many story about the class, the students, my partner's.....

I never been this angry with the students until yesterday, 15 July 2009.

It's UTS Tutorial Statistic, Open Book as long they bring their own module and their own calculator...

Nothing happen in the morning class, all i can see is they were trying to do the best they can.

Not until the second class....

First : There's one students who never came at tutor but finally he show up at UTS.

We (me and mbah neng omesh) already figure out that this student doesn't know anything because we can see that he is not looking like he is trying. When he ask a permition to go to the bathroom, i tell mbah neng omesh : he won't come back to class....

Minutes goes by and hours yet the students don't show his face again...

I don't know why but my instinc tell me to look outside the class and then Walahhhhhhh that student was there speak to another student ask to teach him

Annoying little bastard....

After i can handle my emotion, i tell him straight into his face : What on earth you doing out there? Why don't u do your mid test?

He said with calmly : wait a moment kak, i want to study first with her

I hardly can't control my emotion and said : If you only go out for 15 minutes, i can give you time to do your mid test again. But you go more than an hour for god sake, DO U WANT TO FAILED? UR MID FAILED?

He said (Nantang abiez) : OKE THEN, FAILED AJA...

I said : FINE.. Grab your bag and stuff there, NOW....

That stupid little bastard just go and yelling (i don't care). 

No body messing with our rules...

Because he's not come to the class to pick up his stuff, i decided to get his stuff and take it outside and i said to her friend : you better tell him, not to show his face because he's failed.. don't bother to show up to the class....

Mendidih rasanya saat itu...

Merasa dilecehkan oleh mahasiswa bengal satu itu...

Waktunya UTS lah dia malah keluar dan minta private sama temannya yang kebetulan dah kelar ujian...

Tutor gak pernah masuk dan pas mid malah bikin ulah.....

The Second time...

The mid already finish and finally we decided to grab all the answered from people all the class...

It's annoying when a girl who already finish her mid but she still want to be in the class...

After i said with louder voice, she finally go but i can't understand how come she got back in the class and help her boyfriend to finish the exam... 

When i said that : WHAT ON EARTH ARE U DOING HERE? U ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE CLASS?..

I GO TO THEIR SEATS AND GRAB ALL THE ANSWER AND TELL THEM TO GO OUTSIDE BEFORE SOMETHING WHEN BAD....

And The Last one..

I pick up his answer, and heard that he said : Tambahin dunk kak waktunya... Susah banget neh... Gak ngerti, KAKAK GAK PERNAH NGAJARIN...

Dezzzzzzzzzz.......... 

What was that?

What on earth he is thinking? The whole time that we do is teaching them and yet he told me that we never teach them? <--- WADEZIGHHHHHHHhhhhhh  

Mendidih rasanya waktu denger kata-kata itu keluar dari mahasiswa yang JARANG IKUT TUTOR, DIKELAS GAK PERNAH INISIATIF BUAT NANYA, DIKELAS NGERJAINNYA SAMBIL NYONTEK SANA SINI..... BERANI BANGET NGELUARIN KATA-KATA KAYAK GITU.... 

WADEZIGHHHHHHHHHH 

Akhirnya memutuskan begitu semua mahasiswa keluar dari kelas, i tahan mahluk durjana sarap satu itu....  

Me (dengan sedikit esmosi tertahan dijiwa) : duduk disitu sebentar...  

Mahasiswa sarap nan terkutuk : iya kak, kenapa kak? 

Me : kamu bisa jelasin maksud kata-kata kamu tadi barusan?  

MS : kata-kata yang mana? 

Me : Wadezighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... (sabar ka sabar) Kamu bilang tadi kamu gak ngerti apapun.. Kamu bilang saya ngga pernah nerangin... maksudnya gmn?  

MS : ngga kak, maksud saya itu cuma bercanda 

Me : (ngedumel dalam hati : becanda bahlul... huhuhu) maksudnya apa bercanda? Gini ya dari sekian banyak mahasiswa yang ada, jujur gak mungkin bisa dihandle satu persatu.. Saya perhatiin dari awal tutor, kamu dikelas diem, nyontek sama temen, kalo gak ngerti gak ada usaha buat nanya.. Kalo memang kamu gak ngerti kenapa gak nanya kayak temen-temen yang lain.. Karena kamu gak bertanya, kita menganggap kamu udah bisa... Sekarang gimana kalo kayak gini... 

MS : (mukanya pucet gak berkutik huahahahaha) 

Me : Sekarang gimana ceritanya? Gimana saya bantu kamu kalo kamu sendiri gak membantu diri sendiri? (masih dengan esmosi jiwa yang sangat mendidih) 

MS : masih diam.. 

Me : Sekarang gini deh, kamu bilang sama saya apa yang kamu ngga ngerti biar kita jelasin.. Ngga gini ceritanya, dah UTS kamu bilang kamu gak ngerti apa-apa... 

MS : diam aja gituh.... 

Me : Gini deh, besok senin saya kasih softcopy dari pertemuan awal sampai dengan uts buat kamu pelajarin dan kamu ada waktu sampai UAS buat belajar semuanya. Kalo ada yang kamu gak ngerti bilang sama saya, selama itu masih ada jam tutor saya ajarin dan kamu harus bawa soft copynya. Gimana? 

MS : boleh kak (boleh gundulmu)  

Me : Ya udah... Senin saya kasih kamu semua softcopynya.. Dan kamu juga harus bantu kita, KALO KAMU GAK NGERTI DIKELAS TANYA... GUNANYA KITA DIKELAS ITU MENGAJARI KALIAN HINGGA MENGERTI.. OKEH.. DEAL...  

MS : iya kak... 

Me : Ya udah, kamu boleh pergi sekarang (secepatnya lah menghilang dari hadapan sebelum dibikin dadar gulung sama gw ma mbah neng omesh) 

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 

hickz... 

Annoying aja sama mahasiswa busuk kayak gitu.. 

IKUT TUTOR BOLONG BOLONG, DIKELAS GAK PERNAH NANYA, BISANYA CUMAN NYONTEK TRS DENGAN SEENAK UDEL PROTES PAKE KATA-KATA : KAKAK GAK PERNAH NGAJARIN... 

WADEZIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

*sabar ka sabar* pengen ngamuk rasanya pas denger kata-kata itu..

simple word yang annoying hickz 

Makin pengen membuktikan ke mahluk mahluk nyebelin kayak gitu, 

kalian ngga bisa komplain seenak udel aja minta hak kalian padahal kewajiban kalian ngga pernah ditunaikan.. 

Huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ESMOSI JIWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... 

tidur dulu ach


Thursday, 23 July 2009

Another Bestfriend Tragedy

Another Best friend Tragedy...

Gosh i had that part..

I really hate his kinda part that keep happening in my whole life..

I keep telling myself that i might do something terrible but still can't figure it out what was wrong... 


Since i was a teenager, this whole best friend tragedy become my best friend for my whole life..


what was wrong?

The last tragedy was happen on April 2003 back then. 

The details and the whole tragedy still on my mind and i couldn't forget the whole thing...

But today i should face another best friend tragedy... Gosh....


WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? WHAT DID I DONE WRONG?


She's avoided all contact with me a month before her birthday...


When finally i reached her, the word that comes from her only make my heart wounded again...


It's her right to be mad for what ever the reason but it would be better if she tell it in front of my self directly and tell what mistake did i done wrong...


Some of my friend says i exaggerate everything because they say don't bother about her, you still have us...


She's hurting you already and don't give you mo explanation what so ever...


Why you still threat her like that when she treat you like trash?


They can said whatever they want about her...


One thing that they don't know : She was there for me when the last tragedy happen and she know damn well about that...


That's why i really don't understand why she doing the same thing like the last tragedy that happening to me and i know damn well she know how i felt back then...


Gosh...

What was wrong with me?

Why am i keep dealing the same stuff but with different people?

Am i not good enough to be someone's best friend?

Don't i deserve to have a best friend?

what should i do to keep this tragedy stop? Gosh...


Tell me what should i do?


Should i give up on her this time? Should i do the same thing like she did to me?


What should i do?


clueless

Saturday, 11 July 2009

You Can't Lose what you never had


It's in human nature that every human being include myself was never feel satisfied of what we had....


We don't want what we have but we want what we couldn't have...

how could it be?

We want something that we know we couldn't have but we want to extinguish something that we have...

isn't that ironic?

We keep blaming why isn't the universe is in our side but we never realized what we have today might cause someone out there felt a little jealous and probably want to kill us for neglect what we have today because that is his/her dream...

We keep telling why is this happening to us?

Why on earth we can't have the happiness what we want but we have the happiness we never want in the first place....

Why is it everyone can have the happiness that they want but why is it we can't have a happiness that we want?

Why don't we take it on the other side...

We see someone happy with their life, dream and happiness what they really really want.. <-- is that true? 

How on earth we know that is his/her want or we just assumed that their life is much happier than us?

Well, nobody will know what happen in the future right? 

The world has its own ups and down... 

Probably today its our down but tomorrow will be our ups... 

Who knows... 

There is a beautiful word which i heard in a song that sing by WESTLIFE... 

They says : You can't lose what you never had.. 

Well that's true.... 

How come you lose something that you never had & its goes the same thing like we want something that we couldn't have and to make it even worse we torture our self, keep blaming why made a stupid choice and not think twice before made a choice... 

So which one will choose? 

Torture Yourself OR Doing something with what you have right now and forgetting that you don't want to have this happiness? 

Whatever the result will be, just make sure you think twice before made a choice so you won't spend your life time regret about it