Thursday, 14 July 2016



I guess these day people are easy to said those thing like i like you, i miss you, i love you things.

What happen to the good old days? 

What happens to get to know each other first, a little chit chat and then when both parties having the same spark decides to be more than just a friends

I guess that simple thing doesn't exist anymore

Nowadays they just want to be in a relationship before getting to know each other better. 

I mean how can you know someone in just day or even less than months.

Maybe i was asking too much or perhaps i am not used to all of this.

I mean after whats that worst nightmare in my life, it's obviously that i have become a cynical, bitter when its comes to love.

Yeah well i didn't write in my blog just for fun or want to have an unnecessary attention from people.

For me those word like : i like you, i love you, i miss you are a sacred word and because of that, all those word only comes from me when i really feel the emotion. 

Still doesn't make sense how can you said those thing and even said said like i would convert to Islam though. 

Well hate to being the bad girl for saying this : i am really really sorry for not believing every sweet word or promise thing. Don't take it personally because it's not your fault. I just wasn't believe about love anymore.

Right now the last thing in my mind are having a new relationship

Right now all i want to do are work and enjoy my life without relationship drama. 

Sunday, 10 July 2016

Falling in Love

Falling in love

Everyone in the world would probably experience fall in love

Fall in love are the greatest feeling in the world and it was fantastic when you're with Mr/Mrs Right but falling in love will be a nightmare comes in life when you're with Mr/Mrs Wrong

Fall in love is like a ghost because everyone talk about it most of the time but only a few people have seen it

Fall in love is when you're willing to fight against the world just to be with the one you're love.

Fall in love is when you're willing to put that person first before putting yourself

Fall in love is when you're willing to give up everything you have to be that person

Fall in love is when their smile and happiness means the world and everything to you

Fall in love is when their happiness means everything for you and you're willing to do everything to make them happy

Fall in love is when their sadness becomes a nightmare and you're willing to do everything to put a big fat smile on their face

Fall in love is when you're eagerly want to spend all the times to be with them and nothing will comes between you and them

Fall in love is like a diet pill because you have to decrease the amount of love but you still want to have the healthy love. (it's the worst definition of love)

Fall in love is like having your favorite food because you can eat your favorite food everyday and never get sick of it

That's my definition for falling in love. What's your definition for falling in love?

Monday, 6 June 2016

Lose To Win

Ever felt so ugly, pretending that he loves me
Sometimes it’s just not money never had to afford me
Now I’m sick and tired of you just taking right off
Knowing I'd forgive you
You ain’t here for dinner
Like I’m a beginner,
I loved you for your inner, inner, inner
And the next guy is out there somewhere,
But you won't dare 'cause you’re too scared
Have you ever needed someone so bad
But he ain’t willing to make it last?
Sometimes you gotta lose to win again.
If it makes you cry, cry, cry
And all you do is fight
Can’t get no sleep at night
Sometimes you gotta lose to win again.
Ever felt this sorry? All you did was worry
You didn’t want nobody, thought it would get better
But it’s falling more than
Oh it’s falling more than ever
I just hoped that we would
Cause you’re always up to no good
Maybe it’ll take someone else, to show me better
But I don’t wanna leave ya
Oh, yeah.
Have you ever needed someone so bad
But he ain’t willing to make it last?
Sometimes you gotta lose to win again.
If it makes you cry, cry, cry
And all you do is fight
Can’t get no sleep at night
Sometimes you gotta lose to win again.
Some of you know what it feels like
Caught up just in his life
Don’t wanna try again, thinking what’s the difference?
Why am I not interested?
Cause when you’ve been broken, you feel like no one can fix it
Have you ever needed someone so bad (needed someone so bad)
But he ain’t willing to make it last (whoa, yeah)?
Sometimes you gotta lose to win again (win again, oh and if it makes you cry)
If it makes you cry, cry, cry (cause all you do is fight)
All you do is fight
Can you not sleep at night (sometimes you gotta)
Sometimes you gotta lose to win again. (gotta lose, yeah yeah)
(Oh, oh, whoa)
(Oh, sometimes you got to lose, you got to lose, to win again, yeah)
Have you ever needed someone so bad? (have you ever?)
(so bad yeah)
To make it last
Sometimes you gotta lose to win again (Sometimes you gotta lose to win again)

We doesn't always have what we want in life. 

Sometimes we can't have what we always wanted have. 

Sometimes or countless time we think that why we can't have the life like everyone else had.

Sometimes we had to lose something in life because you couldn't bare the pain to felt that pain everyday and you still have to put a big smile to everyone because you don't want them to pity you.

Sometimes being a loser aren't that bad at all. Being loser doesn't always mean that you're weak

Lose doesn't always mean that you're not strong enough to fight.

Lose mean that you're understand enough that there's one battle isn't worth the fight anymore

Lose mean that you're understand enough that something not worth your time

Lose doesn't mean that you're lost a pride, dignity or even ego, it just means that you know damn well better to walk out from fight knowing that you already did the very best to fight and its better to leave with head up while you're can. 

There's no winning or lose in life because life isn't a game either a competition. 

Life are full with fighting combat that we need to deal everyday for the rest of our life. 

We know damn well that we've done the very best to fight that damn battle to the point that we've realize that the fight wasn't worth the time and sacrifice we've made

So even after the whole sacrifice (either time, mind, energy, heart and soul) that we've made to fight this damn battle but somehow it never work out like we've wanted.

So why even bother to stay in those battle just because we can't stand what people might think and judge about us.

Here's some tips : People will always think, judge and comment about our life. either its a good thing or a bad thing. 

So why bother thinking about what society or people think that limited us to do whatever makes us happy

We don't need to explain whats been happening to our life to people out there because if they think that you're wrong its useless to explain it to them to  make them think that you're doing the right thing.

"Never explain yourself to anyone, because the one who like you wouldn't need it and the one dislike you wouldn't believe it" (Ali Bin Abi Thalib)

Tuesday, 31 May 2016

Officially divorce

It's official I am divorced.

30 May 2016,  the verdict already decide that my marriage are officially over.

I don't know how I felt exactly that day but I do remember crying during trial and when judge officially declared that my marriage are over as per today.

Honestly I don't have any kind of feeling for an asshole that I used to call my husband but I felt relieved because now I know where I stand, my status and everything.

I don't know what's gonna happen in the future or with whom I am gonna spend the rest of my life with.

I don't want to overthink about everything or anything.

Alhamdulillah it's over.

Alhamdulillah my divorce process are easy and fast.

Right now I am just gonna enjoy my life with all my best friend, family and work.

It's about time I had to focus about my own life.


Tuesday, 17 May 2016

Go ahead then

Life are so unpredictable

Sometimes we have victory moments and sometimes we have darkness moment.

Life are full with many surprised event that come unexpected.

Nobody will have their darkness moment Forever and vice versa. Nobody will have their victory moment forever.

Sometimes we had to deal our own drama in life that need a lot of energy from ourself. 

Sometimes there's a lot of thing happens in our life that catches everyone attention.

No matter what you do (either good or bad) people always talk about your personal life.

For me personally, I don't give a damn about everyone opinion/gossip/rumours about my personal life. 

I don't own any explanation to anyone else about what happened in my personal life.

What's happening in my personal life isn't none of anyone business and it's doesn't involve national security. 

So by all means go ahead start spreading any rumour about me :

  • me being reckless wife who couldn't take care her husband
  • me being unfertil wife who can't gave him a children's
  • me being stubborn wife who can't understand her husband
  • me being the most boring wife who can't make her husband happy
  • me being the most happy wife that being left by her husband
  • me being the most stupid wife who can't keep her husband happy

Honestly I don't give a damn about what gossip or rumor about me because they don't know what exactly happens behind close door. The reason because they don't know : 

  • how many night I've cried myself until I sleep
  • how hard I to extinguish the love i had inside
  • how hard I try to convince that the person I used to love had changed into a complete stranger, later I found out that is him being the real him
  • how hard I try to put a big fat smile in my face after that huge storm in my life
  • how hard to wake up every morning and pretend still excited about the future
  • how hard to pretend that huge storm never bother me
  • how hard to pretend that I am totally fine
  • how hard try to hide everything I've felt inside
  • how hard to hide all the emptiness I've felt inside
  • how hard to hide that I don't have the desire to make all of my dreams come true

So I don't really care about people opinions about my personal life, as long my family and friends know exactly what I am going through.

So by all mean, just go ahead because you had my permission to do that


Life are so unpredictable.

We had our victory moments and sometimes had darkness moments.

Nobody stay in the darkness moment forever either nobody stay in victory moments.

Most of the times we thought that life isn't fair.

How come the all the criminal in our life has the luxury and victory moments in their life.

How come when we life our life with guidance and try our best to be a decent guy, yet our life are huge mess and miserable as hell.

Life offering so many options that we can choose. 

Either it's good decision or bad decision, everything has its own consequences.

Life aren't always black and white. There are Gray's thing in our life.

Everyone might think that we had a perfect life, we always in great condition, look happy all the time.

But the only one who know the real conditions are us.
  • We're the only who knows how much sacrifice to be made.
  • How many people that we've love dearly who turn back on us when they know the real conditions and they decided it's best to stay away from our life for good.
  • How many dreams and life goal that needs to be forgotten forever because it's the price that we've had to pay.
  • How many people that we've love dearly but we've hurt them and makes them our enemy.
  • How many night we've spend in tears because we can't handle the consequences for the decision that we've made.
  • How many tears behind close door.
  • How we've try to gave up everything in our life just because we felt that we can't do it anymore.
  • How many times we've try to hide all the pain inside our hearts just because we don't want to make our loved one feels sad.
  • How many times we've pretend that everything are perfectly fine and we are the happiest people in planet.
  • How many times we had to hide our pain, sadness behind our laughter in public.
  • How many times we had to pretend that nothing is wrong with our life.

But then again, we're the only one who knows exactly the real story behind close door.

So yeah life are full of consequences.

Make sure that you make the right decision and full aware of the consequences

Monday, 16 May 2016

Allah Maha Adil

Allah Maha Adil. Don't ever doubt it.

Sometimes our faith has up and down moment and its totally fine because we're just another human being after all.

Sometimes fate has a funny way to show us how life work. 

We might have the perfect idea for the future about spending our lifetime with a people who we though will never do any harm to us.

But then when you're totally wrong about that because faith has its own plan

Let see it this way :

Scenario no 1 : You have all the things that everyone secretly wish for. Almost everything in life and everyone around you think that you're life are perfect. 

They just see whats in the surfaces but they don't have any clue whats been happening in your life lately.  

The whole reason why your life was look the ideal life that everyone wants to have like :
  • how many sacrifices you have to make 
  • how many tears are hidden behind close door
  • how many dream and life that need to be forgotten for good because you can't make all those came true
Scenario no 2 : right now your life are in the most darkest situation that anyone would ever imagine. Endless tragic moment just keep happening in your life. 

When you think that finally gonna see the happiness in the dark corner but then again you are wrong because : 
  • You've kept thinking what the hell you did wrong
  • What the worst mistake that you ever do to deserve this endless tragic.
  • How come everyone life's seems to be perfectly normal but your own life was a complete mess
  • You've think how on earth that the person who hurt and left you in big pile of mess but their life seems to be happy 
  • when you've decide to gave up your whole life but then again some good new comes to you that slowly but sure all the bad guy who doing crime are having their darkest moment. 
So Yeah Allah Maha Adil. 

Even when we constantly ask and having doubt about our own fate, slowly but sure the justice are served.

Honestly I would never wish bad upon anyone from my past. I do wish y'all get exactly what you deserve though. If it happens to be bad, that's on you

Qs. Al-Baqarah : 216
“Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui”