Sunday, 23 April 2017

Nah Or Yeah

Nah or Yeah ?

Maybe these thing went too damn fast and maybe i was over enthusiastic about it

I mean the idea of start a new relationship with someone new. Someone whose obviously are the dream guy.

The idea of falling in love and start a new relationship might lead to happy ending thing

Maybe i am falling in love with the idea but not actually falling in love with the guy itself.

I hate it when i am in the super duper over thinking mode because whenever it happens, always ruin the mood and everything else seems useless

Can't escape and trying not to overthinking about it

Maybe i should take thing not so seriously and take anything personal.

When i can figure out everything about it, maybe the answer will change.

So for now, the question remain the same : Nah or Yeah?

Saturday, 15 April 2017

I Have a Crush on You

Yeah you've read it right

I Have a crush on him, maybe even bigger than I've felt inside.

As time goes by and get to know him a little more, definitely sure that he is a dreamy guy that might be to good to be true.

Although i ain't 100% sure how his reaction when we finally meet for the first time by the time he is visiting Jakarta

He is a dreamy guy that probably would never exist in world. 

Beside what i mention earlier in here about Romeo, almost everyday i found a sweet and good thing about him.

He is an amazing, adorable, big heart guy, gentleman, thoughtful and it will be a long list instead of a blog

Looking forward meeting him in person when he is visiting Jakarta. 

Can't wait to see him and spend some quality time 

Friday, 10 March 2017

Kangen Water

Kangen Water

At first i was being skeptical as if consume the water will made a different for my health condition

Yeah i am being skeptical about the product even though there are a lot of testimonial on the internet show after consumed the water, Abracadabra their health problem magically solved

I've try the other product from Kangen Water like Strong Acid, Beauty Water and Strong Kangen. Slowly but sure i felt the difference on my face 

So i gave it a try to consume Kangen Water for daily basis. 

At first week, my stomach feels weird and i am having diarrhea. When i ask the seller about my body reaction after consume it, they said its normal and it's doing the job for cleaning all the toxic in your body.

But Today i finally believe that consume Kangen water really work out for my health condition.

I have a condition for Endometriosis and it's really painful and stressful for me. 

Normally if a girl have a period, usually it only for 7 day or less. But for someone whose diagnosed for Endometriosis like me that would be a different scenario.

in A month my periods time would be more than a weeks, sometimes two weeks and after the divorce it's become worst.

I haven't got my periods for 4 months and today finally got the periods after 4 months not having it.

Alhamdulillah ;)

Wednesday, 1 March 2017

Mr Romeo

Alhamdulillah for everything that happens in the past that leads me to know this awesome gentleman.

I never thought that I would feeling like this again. 

Can't stop smiling, my cheek turns to red, laugh again, got big fat smile on my face.

It's quite unique how i know him. 

Let's just said internet help us to meet and get to know each other.

First communication are through private email continue to personal email then change to whatsapp and sometimes message. All though we communicate through all of those communication (Email, Whatsapp and texting)

Besides 6 hours difference, 3-4 years age difference between us, different culture. There's a lot of thing that we both have in common.

He is smart, nice, open minded, cute, have unique sense of humor, charming, gentleman (Yeah chivalry still alive), sweet, romantic, cat person.

Have a sweet and unique way to encourage me to do the very best thing.

Whenever he sense that i am having a hard time over something, he cheer up in his way in intention to make me forget about it

He mention his intention towards me in the future. 

Insya Allah if we're mean to be, i do hoped it will last forever

Good night Mr Romeo

Monday, 27 February 2017


Loathe maybe the extreme way to express my feeling right now but it seem's the right word to express it.

It's started from Facebook post from NS (one of the founder the famous kebab baba Rafi) that's being share by one of my Facebook friends. I make some comment in there and notice's there's a lot of woman who experience (probably not the same but similar to my condition right now). 

In the comment, I've seen comment from everyone express the sympathy and empathy. One post catch my attention and shockingly the ruthless comment are from woman. If the comment came from man, probably would skip it but it's from woman to woman who dealt some dark moment in marriage life.

Totally get it if that sarcasm and cynical comment come from man (although not every man are like that) but when hear the woman give that ruthless comment, i just wished that woman would never experience what she, other woman and what I've been through because i am pretty sure she wouldn't be as brave as anyone who dealt the issue personally

Not looking for a justify or statement that we are in the right side. We don't want people see us as a victim or play victim. HECK NO. 

Yeah we do realize that there's two side for every story. We're not saying that we are right and the other guy are wrong. HECK NO. 

That's why mostly women whose in her position and mine doesn't want to speak up about our condition out loud. Because most people out there thinking the same way like that woman do. 

People like us doesn't need society confirmation that we are right. 

All we need just an understanding and friendly companion knowing that we aren't alone. Don't judge us before you've experienced the same situation

All we want is a true friends, an understanding, friendly companion and reassure that we're not alone, the dark storm won't last forever, there's a beautiful rainbow after all these storm. 

If you can't speak good to others people better stay silent. 

If you don't understand what it's feel like in their situation, just be a decent human being and show a little sympathy & empathy. 

Showing Sympathy and empathy won't hurt anyone in fact it would ease their pain and cheer them up
Oh well, some people are born ruthless and cynical. That's the fact we all should accept. 

We live in society that's think man and woman are equal. but why when thing's like this happen and the woman start to talk out loud to society, most people think's the situation happen because it was the woman's fault. 

Astagfirullah, where's the justice in that. 

So when your husband are cheating from you, it's because you are the awful wife who can't make your husband happy. Because you can't give him kids and happiness. Because you don't prioritize your husband first. If you take care him well enough, he won't be cheating and leave you behind.

Hot flash new for ruthless and cynical people out there, no matter how good the wife treat the husband even the slightness mistake can be huge mistake on him. 

My points is some man and some woman are born jerk and asshole. That's the fact and mostly woman whose being the homewrecker doesn't realize that they hurting other woman for the sake their feeling. Well you can laugh and be happy lovey dove but don't cry come ask forgiveness if one day he'll doing the same thing to you.

I've been in that situation, trying to do everything that i could to make my marriage last but when Allah swt keep showing me it would hurt me more if i insist on keeping the marriage.

Take a look on my situation, dating for 2 years and married for 4 years. The only thing that we don't have are children. Honestly i thought it won't be a big issue. But then again i was naive to think that. 

As soon as we are having 3 years anniversary of our wedding, everything become a huge mess. It hit rock bottom and made me question almost about everything i though we have for each other.

He is doing the most despicable things that i won't ever think that he would do it in the first place : 
  • Cheating on me with 4 women (that's the number of woman i know)
  • Doing something forbidden in Islam like conspiracy with the devil practicing black magic
  • Sold everything we have and have the money to himself and left me with a huge pile of debt
  • Neglect me for almost 2 years and doesn't do what he is supposed to do as husband
  • Unemployed for more than 2 years and make me the bread wiener for both of us 
  • Disrespect towards my family and my parents
  • Made one of his mistress pregnant. Yet he doesn't admit it and apologize until these day
  • To top it all, his marrying the pregnant mistress while he is still married with me and leave me without saying anything at all
So before you experience one of those thing or everything that i mention earlier, don't said that there's two side every story and men suffer too. 

So showing a sympathy and empathy won't make you less human, in fact it make you a decent human being

Saturday, 31 December 2016

Good Bye 2016

Good Bye 2016

A lot of things happen in 2016. It's been hell of ride for year 2016

Well there's so much thing happening in 2016. Experience the whole package thing when you thought that you already have everything in your life. When you think that your life are perfect and all but it's just another stupid show called fake and it's just staged out for someone benefit.

The whole package which make you feel everything from things like : 
  • Numbness because you can't feeling anything not even happiness or sadness 
  • Start to look everything differently from new perspective
  • Trust hunch or instinct when you've sense something wrong it's happening in your life
  • Differentiate which one a real friend and which one isn't your friend
  • Accept the fact that not everyone else around you are your real friend
  • Love can't always conquer everything in real life 
  • Someone you love dearly might not having same vision about life 
  • Heartbreaking moment that keep repeating every single day
  • Painful enough realized that your life become horrific nightmare
  • Good bye not always that bad. Good bye sometime could means brand new journey awaits for you
  • Better to get out from shabby, inclement and wretched relationship instead of staying just because you've care more about other people opinion rather than your own happiness
  • Glad knowing that you will always have some group full of people whom you call best friend for life that will always be there for you
  • Sometimes best experience about loyalty is when someone stand beside you even the situation are wretched and nothing seems work well 
  • Over time people will change. Sadly enough when your best friend become stranger and distant
  • Sometimes people surprise you. As easily best friend become stranger and it's sure easily that stranger become best friend for life.
  • Betrayal are painful enough and can change optimistic person turn into pessimistic person in a day
  • When you've got betrayal by someone you's least expected and dearly, you've lost trust and faith for everyone who genuinely wants the best thing for you. 
  • Don't bother to look out for someone who doesn't really care about you
  • Stop being so hard on yourself and don't blame yourself for whatever happen in your life
  • Starting all over again can be frightening and scary. Prepare yourself for your next wonderful journey
  • Excruciating, surprising, life changing, friendship, roller coaster emotional  experience
So GOOD BYE 2016. Thank You For all the lesson 


Saturday, 10 December 2016

Time to Move on

Damn right it's about time to move on

It's almost 7 month since the judge verdict that says my marriage are over for good. 

Already done mostly all the mourn moment like these thing (had to admit that itsn't my best moment)
  • Don't know exactly how many night I've cried myself until i sleep
  • Hard enough to put a big fat smile in my face after that hurricane storm in my life
  • Hard enough just to wake up every morning and had to pretend that i am still curious and excited about what the future holds for me
  • Hard to pretend that hurricane storm never bother me in anymore
  • Hard enough to pretend in front of everyone who know me that i am totally fine and already get over it
  • Hard enough for me to put a big fat smile in my face every damn time i am around them (family and best friend) simply because i don't want them to feel sorry or worry about me anymore
  • Desperately trying to hide the fact that i don't have any desire left to fulfill all of my dream comes true
  • Simple thing like get out of bed or get out of the house just doesn't interested me anymore 
  • I love food badly but right now all my favorite food are plain and bored. Basically i just lost interest and appetite on food (sometimes i skip breakfast,lunch and dinner). 
  • Suddenly going out from home is a torture and can't wait go back home just to stay in my room
  • Lock myself in rooms for unlimited days
  • Don't interested anymore about socialized with new people because i don't want them to felt sorry about my condition
  • Feeling bitter about life mostly about love, relationship and marriage kinda stuff
  • Felt like damaged good
  • Start to hate myself more than before
  • Being too damn careful when someone new show interest on me
  • I made a vow about being single for life
  • Social event is just too stressful because i don't want anyone to ask the unnecessary question 
  • Felt lonely even when i am in the most crowded place in earth
  • Felt that i wasn't good enough for anyone and i don't deserve to be happy

It's already 7 month and it's about time to MOVE ON

Stop overthinking and regret about the past because there's nothing i can do to change the past