Monday, 18 April 2016

Brand new dika ;)

I know it's already April 2016 and it's too damn late to start a new year resolution.

It's hard to please everyone and pretend that you are fine with that.

It's easier to make people angry or even mad with you.

Maybe it's related to all the situations that happen to me lately but maybe it doesn't related

I am sick and tired looking out other people's feeling when they don't even bother looking out for my feelings

Super duper sick and tired try to understand everyone's felt when that person doesn't even bother to understand my feelings.

So start from now if I ain't gonna sugarcoat everything I said.

If anyone ever feel hurt by whatever I said and doesn't accept my apologies, by all means that person can go to hell.

World better prepare for the brand new dika ;)

Saturday, 9 April 2016

Its happening again

Ya Rabb

What I've should do about this good news.

I know that I've shouldn't react like this about this good news but I am just a human being after all.

I don't regret what's happening in my life especially whats been happening toward my marriage life.

I've done everything that I could to save it and it's just for the best that the marriage is over.

I just don't know how to react to this good news because I know how desperately I want to have those kind experience in my life.

First my sister in law and now my best friend since junior high school which will experience all those amazing stuff.

Ya Rabb, please help me to deal with this kind of emotion.

Bismillah ;)

Thursday, 31 March 2016

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Endless tragic isn't going to end soon enough. It's started since August 2014 and still continue until now.

Endless tragic begin from my marriage hit the rock bottom since August 2014, endless and countless affair he had with a different mistresses, he is having a child from that slutty bitch, he is end up marrying her, he left a huge pile of debt without have any intention to paid it.

To make it even worst, yesterday I've lost all laptop and some of my important documents like : marriage certificate for husband, marriage certificate for wife, passport, CIMB bank account.

This happen when I want to ask that asshole to paid all of his debt.

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Saturday, 12 March 2016

Have fun you ;)

Have fun on your holiday ;)

Even I know it's gonna be a long bored week without talking with you but I really wish you had an amazing and awesome vacation.

We'll talk more after you've came back from holiday.

I know it's really weird since I don't even know what are we but I don't like to put a label for what are we.

For now, I am just gonna enjoy everything that happen between us.

It's really different with him.

We can talk about everything else, comfortable with each other, accept each other flaws and dark side.

The amazing things that he know about my past and what I've been dealing with lately, and he doesn't give me those look or judgement like most of guy I know.

I had a crush on him, huge major crush probably and the amazing things the feeling is mutual. 

Every time we've talk, he success make me feeling special about myself.

He really know how to make me smile and felt good about myself. 

He know exactly how to make those scary nightmare (all those bad image, bad details, bad news and everything) disappear and make me forget all those thing.

He is my type of man that I've been searching all a long and it's a miracle now that I've meet him.

He is a true gentleman, sweet guy, really damn good with words, respectful, know how to treat a lady, compliments a little too much, romantic, handsome, good looking guy, have a great sense of humor, sexy, hot body, had a little dark side that make him more sexy, a chirpy guy, a very tall guy with a British accents.

Although we've had an 8 years of gap (yes, he is younger than me), it's just a bonus for me.

Oh well, that's a lot of detail about him.

It's gonna be hell of boring and dull week without talking to you.

Wishing you have a great holiday sexy superman ;)

Speak to you very soon ;)

I miss you already charming guy ;)

Wednesday, 2 March 2016

I had a crush on him

Yes you heard that right.

Despite all the drama that's been happening in my life right now, there is one good thing that comes in my life right now.

Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah

Right now, he is the cure for everything that happen in my life lately.

He is the sunshine that came after the huge storm

He is the water for my thirst

He is the delicious food for my hunger

He is the aspirin for for my hangovers

He is the medicine for my sickness

My points is that he is the best things in my life right now

Even though I don't know what's we are right now, honestly i don't give a damn about it. 

Talking with him are so damn easy. We could talk for hours (like the others day we've speak for 7 hours straight)

Whenever we both talk, we can talk about everything (he would never ever do something or talk about something would make me uncomfortable).

Despite all the difference we both had, he is a true gentleman. 

He know how to act like one gentleman. Know how to treat a woman and look after woman. 

For what's its worth, I am just enjoy whatever we have right now.

I always have a great time whenever I talk with him. 

Acting like a teenager whose having a crush for the first time. 

Almost all the fun stuff you experience when you fall in love.

I might having a crush on you. 

Move on, you must ;)

It's been a month since that scary nightmare. Honestly i though that it wont affect me anymore

But then again i was wrong thinking that i am immune to the side effect things.

For all i know is i don't have any feeling left for him (pretty much flat, numb and all those stuff)


Tears? Yes those tear are still there but the tears wasn't for him or my marriage (at least whats left from my marriage)

I just felt so disappoint with all this shitty situation. If There's one to blame that would probably myself. 

I know that i shouldn't thinking too much about it, let alone dwell on this mater. 

I wish that i knew from the very first time that he wasn't the man i used to think he was. I wish i wasn't worship him all that much. 

Right now i don't feel anything else.

Disappointed, numb, angry, sad, betrayal, humiliated, useless, unwanted, hopeless

How i wish that i could just disappear from this whole life. 

How i wish the scientist found time capsule so i can go back to the past and remember not to make stupid decision like this ever.

Ya Allah, Please remove all the anger, sadness, disappointed, betrayal, useless, unwanted, hopeless and every single emotion that i feel right now.

I really don't know how to handle this shitty, mess situation.

New relationship is the last thing on my mind right now. 

For now, I am thinking going to be single for the rest of my life. Its easier that way. Less drama, Less chaos and nobody would hurt me ever again. 

Thursday, 18 February 2016

Close Chapter

Yes i should do that earlier but its never too late to do that right now. 

The last couple of years was really hard for me. I still remember all the details (mostly the bad depressing moments).

Right now I don't want to over think and over analyse why this happen to me

I already chose to close that chapters and now I felt relieved because of that

All those dark episodes in my life has to be forgotten like how we both know each other, be friends with each other, falling in love or the best part spend the rest of our live together.

Right now I don't remember anything about us.

Ever since I found out how easily you threw me and replaced with stupid girls, so I did the same thing although I haven't found your replacement.

Don't ever had the impression that you are irreplaceable because you are damn replaceable.

I would enjoy the time for myself, try to make all my dream come true, enjoy being surrounded by family and friends.

I might have found the candidate to replaced you for good but I'll take my time because this time I won't settle for less than i should

I won't make the same mistake like when I met you and thinking about to spend the rest of my life.

Right now I am just gonna enjoy every damn moments I had with him.

No hard feelings but please stay away from my life