Sunday, 30 November 2014

When this thing will be over?

Ya Allah Ya Rabb...

When is it this whole black magic thing ended? 

It's like a ring of satan, it seems never ending..

What kind of marriage life we have right now?

What kind of marriage life is it?

We barely speak about what we want for the future, our dreams, our children, our hope....

Geez.....

Because one impulsif act that make everything torn apart. 

Waste 4 month of our marriage life to make everything back to normal again (like it was nothing ever happen. Like there was no damage have been made)

I realized that i ain't the perfect wife, I've been abandoned my husband's need. 

I am guilty for every mistaken in the past.

But now i am ready to change, in fact little by little i am started to change to become his ideal wife that he wants to.

Even thought i know everything he did in the past with the black magic stuff, from the bottom of my heart i already forgive everything and i still want to be his wife for the rest of my life

I just wondering what the hell that I've done wrong with that person.

What mistakes that i make to her that made her doing things like this (make the last 4 months of my life like a living hell)

There so many questions that i want to ask to her but after what happen now, i ain't sure that's the right thing to do.

Monday, 24 November 2014

i hate you

Yeahhhhh you read that right....

You know who you are, and if you are reading this and you think that this post is all about you, you damn right.

I know that this morning, i post something like whatever you did in the last couple months would never change my love for you. 

I am just a normal human being just like you, who have a heart, feeling and also can get hurt with some word. 

It's not just you that will hurt if someone said something bad right in front of your nose. 

I don't know who the hell are you anymore???????

Do you still value our marriage commitment???? 

Do you still consider me as your wife????????

Marriage is the same like friendship. It's take two to tango. 

I don't know if the marriage is still there or the marriage was just only camouflage and somekind status in the marriage license book.  

Still love him anyways

Even thought for the last couple month (if not mistaken, its started from september 2014), he is changed into someone i didn't know and make my life a living hell.

No matter what happen, my feeling for him still the same. My love for him will never change.

After all, we already make a commitment  (akad nikah) in front of everyone. We also make  commitments with Allah swt.

Even though for the last couple month, he is acting like its wasn't the man i used to know.

I still love him anyways...

Despite there's a moments when i think that's i hate him, just can't deny that my love for him is bigger than my hate for him.

There's no one in this world that i wants to spend the rest of my life with, he is the one that i want to spend the rest of my life.

Ya Allah Ya Rabb

Please bring back my husband, the man that i used to know.

Ya Allah Ya Rabb

Mohon sembuhkanlah suami dika dan kembalikanlah dia ke pelukanku

Aminnnnn

Sunday, 23 November 2014

Shock

I guess that i am still shocked about what i saw earlier on that website.

I am very shocked and disappointed because i found out he stated there that he was single and looking for a woman between 23 and 37

How could he done such thing like that?

He should have come to me first and said it directly in face if being married with me no longer makes him happy.

Instead of doing that, he decided to make a profile in some dating site.

I don't know what should i do right now?

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

Progress about him

Alhamdulillah...

Abang conditions slowly but getting better each day....

From ignorant for whatever i am doing, wherever i am going, whoever i am going with, whoever i am talking on the phone.

Right now, slowly but surely he more likely  become the man i used to know.

He started to show that he wants to know whatever i am doing. Wherever i am going to places. Whoever i am going with. Whoever i am talking on the phone.

He start to questioning every single thing i do.

Slowly but sure....

Alhamdulillah everything happen because of Allah swt....

Ikhlas dan sabar

Ikhlas & Sabar....

Those  two thing should be in top priority for abang conditions right now...

What should be done right now after hear and listening advice from everyone.

Will take only positive advice from everyone..

Ikhlas means i should face anything (progress  or whatever happen) while facing this conditions and waiting any kind progress (even the slightest progress)

Ikhlas means whatever the result and the progress about abang, i should face it and embrace it.

Sabar means Husnozon with Allah swt, whatever happen right now happen for  a reason. Something good and good are waiting out there.

Sabar means changes won't  happen in short time. It will takes time, process.

Just remember, Rome wasn't build in a day. 

Sabar and Ikhlas are the key to abang conditions..

Remember this when abang already being himself again, you will not brings up this topic to him ever again...

Monday, 17 November 2014

Powerless

Each day passing by without him being the man i used to know....

I really missed him....

I really need him....

Never  thought that i would experience all this troubles  over and over  again...

Back then, this kind experience happen with my dad. It really traumatized  enough...

Now i have to deal it again because it happen with my husband.

I felt so powerless, fragile, weak each day...

I really  really  really  need  him

Clueless

Ya Allah Ya  Rabb......

Right now i really really clueless about abang conditions....

Really don't know what to do with all of this...

Really getting tired with this conditions  because i really didn't see specific progress  that promised to me..

I see progress but the progress seems a little bit slowly..

Not really sure how much longer i can survive in this kinda situation....

Don't know how much longer i can take all of this.....

Ya Allah Ya Rabb mohon solusi yang terbaik untuk semua masalah ini....

Don't know what to do

Seriously, i really don't know what to do anymore about abang conditions. 

I did almost every solution that almost everyone suggest to me.

I decide to try almost every kind solution beside solution from jendral bedul and komjen of course. 

First advice come from Miss Tuan Putri. She insisted me to see someone who can help with problem that i am dealing right now. I remember after finishing a little project and we go straight to that place. Unfortunately, we came a little bit too late because its their day off. No matter what we said, they won't meet us. So when i had the chance to go there, i went back there with her. 

But what happen there, really make me shock. At first, i am really skeptical about any of this. As a matter of fact, i do believe there's magic and sort of thing out there, but never in my wildest dream that someday i will experience this. 


Long story short after listening every single information that they give me on that day, i really felt disappointing with Abang. They said that i need to come back to bring some equipment like : Bedak, lipstick Merah Delima, Lipstik Merah Muda, Pensil Alis. 


After hearing all the explanation from them, i rethink about everything and then told her that i won't come back again. That's it.


Second advice come from Jin Kurakura. After i find the courage to tell everything and hope that he wouldn't laugh when hear everything from me. He recommend me to someone that used to help him with similar case like this but different subject. 


That person give me detail what should i done about this case, even thought i still felt that this is so illogical but i still do it because all i want is my husband back and become the man that i used to know. 


Even a little progress, it really makes my day bright. (really it does bring back my smiles even a little bit)


Third Advice come from Miss Experience. Like everyone else, she insisted that i go with her meet someone who expert about this. And there i really meet someone whose really expertise about my situation. 


Like the other two place that i came for, i did every possible solution they give me. Even the slightest progress about him really made my day. (It really did)


Ya Allah Ya Rabb, Mohon sembuhkanlah suami hamba dari segala pengaruh sihir jahat yang sekarang sedang berada dalam dirinya. Mohon kembalikanlah dirinya yang dulu hamba kenal. Hamba teramat sangat membutuhkannya

Sunday, 16 November 2014

Worst Nightmare comes alive

Yes, you've read it right. 

Couple months back was worst nightmare comes alive.

I've still remember all the details because it truly nightmare comes alive.

Still can't believe that things happens to me and him.

All i ever want is a normal marriage life with a husband's who can act as a best friend's, partner, husband to spend the rest of my life.

I am still processing all the information about him being posses with black magic. Even though i know that he is the one who initiated about the black magic.

I just wanted everything back to normal again. 

I just want my old life back and want my husband back.

Ya Allah Ya Rabb.... kabulkanlah

Worst

How we could end up like this? 


From lovey doves couple to some kind of stranger to each other



What could gone wrong? What happen with us and our live? 



What happen to the commitment that you promised to me back then? 



You will love me, stand by me until death do us part. 



What's been going on us with us? What's been happening?



How we could end up like this? 



Become a stranger to each other and pretend nothing could ever happen....

Unbearable pain

Really don't know how much time to hold on.  

Really don't know if its still there or it's already gone and wash away.

I've tried every kind of possible solution to these whole problem but it's seems nothing really works.

I don't know what should i done right now or whats shouldn't be done right now.

I just felt alone in dark with nobody else there with me.

Ya Allah Ya Rabb....

I really really really need my husband.

I really really really miss my husband a lot.

I feel powerless, hopeless, weak, fragile without him....

Ya Allah Ya Rabb.....

I know that Allah swt would never give ujian dan cobaan melebihi kemampuan umatNya....

I just don't know how much longer i could handle this unbearable pain and sorrow...

I know that I've done so many things in the past that might hurt him. I'll try the best that i could do to fix that....

Ya Allah i just want my husband back

Ya Allah please give us the best solution for all this mess...

I don't know how much longer i could handle unbearable pain...