Exhausted

Exhausted

Yeah, lately I am have a mix feeling about everything that happens in my life. 

Mixed between Happy, sad, angry, confuse, exhausted, tired, feed up mostly about everything

Last night after a decent amount conversation through video call with my drop dead gorgeous fiancé, decided to rest my head on my bolster.

I don't want to tell him what's going on not because I don't trust him enough with this issues, but I don't want to burden him with this "challenging issue" so I decided to pour my emotion out in my bolster and pretend it was him.

I know that he would do anything in his power to help me out, but this time I am not gonna tell him this "challenging issues". Having him around is a really blessing in my life

Yeah I realized that I am wacko because I often talking with myself. Well since I am not hurting anyone else let alone myself, I don't really care what people said about me.

I know exactly what I need right. All I need is HIM and A BIG HUG

I don't know how much longer to bear this situation, but I really need to be strong for everyone sake.

But how about my sake? My sanity ?

I really need me time for a while...

Hufft

Can't I just take some rest, Please ?

أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللّٰهَ‎ 

I am about this close to loose my sanity. Why this whole thing constantly non stop. 

Every damn day there's a new trouble between this circle. 

Why don't any of them let me to catch my breath for a while. 

I am well aware that I am the eldest and I had lots of responsibility for everything, but I am kinda overwhelmed right now.  

To say that I am overwhelmed is underrated because I am more than overwhelmed.

Here I am trying to get my life back from scratch, but I can't focus because every damn day there will be a new "challenge"

When I thought ah okay, one challenge is completed now it's time for me to focus on myself.

Oh boy, I was so damn wrong. 

It's a never ending vicious cycle from one challenge to another challenge.

How I am gonna focus on my life if this vicious cycle continued like this

Can't I just take some rest, PLEASE ?