Yeah it happens again and again
No matter how badly I want this to work, I am feeling connected, comfortable, can share about everything, found my home (at the very least I really thought he is my home, my person to go)
I am willing to compromise about everything (as long its not related to something principal, then I am all in)
For the very first time after 5 years my official divorce, I am feeling happy, can't stop smiling, always want to know everything about him, looking forward to meet him in person, looking forward to see what's the future hold for us
I guess the jokes on me, once again I've to face the reality that he isn't the one for me, he isn't the person that right for me
He promised me the World and everything but as soon as he know my point of view about something, he is being cold and left by saying I wish you the very best and good luck
He promised that there would be US in the next future but later on he told me there would be others companion. He promised me everything but he failed to keep his promised about US in the future
Once again life has it own twisted dark humor. Feels like life has a dark humor as its best. When you realized that everything in your life finally work as in your favor and you're happy about it but can't shake the feeling something worst about to happen. And then reality slap you in the face, the darkness comes without an announcement
Why would he promised about the future, world and everything but he failed to mention his true intention in the first place
He is being cold and decided to walk away instead being a grown up and having a discussion about the future
Makes me think is it really because one disagreement about it could wipe away whatever feeling he have for me the past 5 months.
Is it the feeling really exist or he just good at pretending about the whole feeling?
Why he promised me everything but he failed being honest and frank in the first place?
He seriously demands to be frank and honest about everything. Well even he didn't ask to be frank and honest, I am still doing it by put all my cards on the table.
I know what I want and I've always told what exactly i want in the beginning because I don't want to waste anyone time by going around the bush and tell other people what they want to hear
There's a lot of question in my head right now about everything.
Once again I am feeling unwanted, unworthy of love
Why would he offer me all those thing but at the end of day he'll walk away as soon as he didn't agree on something
Where all those feeling gone? How can those feeling gone as soon as he know something he didn't like ?
He didn't even bother to come to me and ask why I am taking this decision.
He didn't even bother to convinced me that those thing might not be that scary as I though
He didn't even bother to find me when I am MIA for more than 5 days.
He didn't even bother to persuade me to think through again after all the time we've spend together
I know we've just known each other for 5 months and we're not haven't meet in person but my feelings towards him are sincere and genuine
Well it really doesn't matter anymore
He clearly made up his mind, the most important thing and it said about everything that I need to know about him
I've been through hell before and I've survive from it
Most likely I will survive from this too
Next time, really need to be very cautious about something like this
Bismillah, I will survive
