It's should had been me all along

Damn right

It's should have been me all along.

It's should have been me who got pregnant.

It's should have been me who carried your kid in my belly.

It's should have been me all along.

I don't know what happening with me lately. 

My eyes tend to get wets every damn time  I see a happy couple (husband and wife), a pregnant woman with a caring husband and their baby

Gosh i am such a whinny. It's not because I regret the decision about my marriage. Because I ain't regret the decisions whatsoever.

I am just a normal human being who might have overly sensitive about my emotion. I tend to get emotional about what happens lately.

I know exactly what happens with my emotions when my sister in law told me the good news that she is pregnant.

Don't get me wrong because that is a good news for both of them and my family. But I was disappointed because I kinda wish that I should have pregnant.

Who am I kidding anyway? 

Hoping that after all these year i am pregnant. Because what happen in the last year I should have lower my expectations.

I should be grateful because I ain't pregnant because if i am pregnant, I ain't sure about my last decision.

I should be grateful because I finally can made up my mind and make that important decision.

Only Allah Swt know how hard I try to look so damn strong in front everyone. 

How I manage to put a big fat smile, kept telling everyone around me that I am alright with everything that happens lately.

How I manage to look so damn excited and happy all the time even though I am scatter inside. 

My heart was torn in a million pieces.

How I manage to do my everyday routine well enough in case anyone was worrying about me.

How I hate to pretend to be alright with this shitty situation, hoping this is just some kinda nightmare and I would wake up anytime.

For the record, I ain't gonna back down from the decision I made earlier.

I am just carried away with the situation.

Bismillah ;)

Adios Amigo

What's done it's done. There's no turning back.

I've just made the hard decision in my entire life : I had enough about his behavior towards our marriage.

I've spend enough time wait for him that he will come around and start to focus on us, our marriage.

Instead of that, he was fooling around with some bimbo and knocked her out. 

I realized that what happen in the past can't be undone and I choose to close that books forever.

But I guess he wasn't take my word seriously because he make that slutty bitch pregnant.

Gosh. 

Astagfirullah. 

Astagfirullah. 

Astagfirullah.

He literary take my forgiveness for granted and the worst part is he cross the line. There's no turning back after crossing that line.

The past years hasn't been easy for me (August 2014 until December 2015). Black magic, affair after affair, lines of bimbo slut, him knocked out that slutty bitch.

From October 2015, he literary ditch me from his life. He is never bother to call either just ask how am i doing, husband duty (I mean all the stuff that husband should do towards his wife in marriage).

He keep me in the dark about everything. 

Astagfirullah. 

We are still husband and wive, but we barely talk with each other about our marriage. 

Once again, he took for granted that I give him a second chance.

I know what I want to do. 

I have all the list to work with. 

For sure I don't want to give him a third chance for our marriage.

Good luck with your new life. 

From the bottom of my heart, i really wish all the very best with your new family. 

All I am asking : LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE

Goodbye for good ;)

Who would though after all years we've spend together, the day that i fear the most are finally come. 

The nightmare really come to life.

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

I've should have read the sign, read between the line.

Where the hell my consciousness after all these years?

I've really underestimated the problem. I thinks the problem it's already been taking care of but I guess that I was wrong.

You know what, enough is enough

I was wrong about you and they were right about you.

I never thought that something like did would ever happens to me, because of what's happen with your parents.

I never thought that you will do something like this. You really cross the line dude and I am sure to tell you to get the hell out of my life.

I had enough about your behavior behind my back. 

Before this happen, I am stupid enough to think that you will change to the old you. The old you that make me head over heels for you.

No more chances for you.

You already screw that seconds chances

So good bye then

Hope you will find happiness with her ;)

Ps : I think you owe me big enough to make this more easier.

As I said earlier before, if eventually you find someone else, I won't make you choose. I'll make it easier for you. I am leaving you for good

See you in court house

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

I should have known better that this would happen.

I should have read the sign. Read between the lines.

Shock, speechless.

Don't know how to handle it anymore.

Ya Allah Ya Rabb