Have You Ever?

Grass is greener on the other side. Yeah totally get it. 

We've think that everyone life seems perfect but we've never know what they're dealing with. 

It's seems like everybody was happy with their own life and seems like they don't have problem or issue.

It's your right to said: Astagfirullah I can't deal what's been happening to my life.

What I've done wrong to deserve this?

Why my life wasn't like everyone else? 

I get it when the problem and issue are eating us alive

Don't get me wrong about that. Totally understand about it because everyone has their own issues that they had to deal with it.

I didn't write this to offend anyone nor had any hidden agenda.

I am salute for everyone for how they deal their own issue and problems with their own way.

Had some people come over me and said how come your life seems had no issue at all.

Don't get me wrong, I had my own issue and problem that had to handle with my own way. But it wasn't supposed to be showing my mourn face whenever you see me.

For information, right now I am in my lowest point. I don't feel like doing anything nor had any kind of motivation in life.

Have you ever felt pointless about doing anything in your life because it's seems useless to chase your own dream? 

Have you ever wondered why everybody's life seems to be perfectly fine and you're the only one whose experience the lowest point in your life? 

Have you ever questions why the faith obviously doesn’t want you to be happy in your life like everyone else?

Have you ever questions to yourself what did I do to deserve this?

Have you ever wonder and start having the idea to end your life?

Have you ever lost hope on everything in life and think it's probably a good idea to just end your miserable life?

Have you ever felt it's useless to wake up every morning because you know that your world already ends?

Have you ever just lock yourself in rooms for days and don't want to socialize with people because you don't want them to feel sorry for you?

Have you ever skip meals routine and lost your appetite on any kind of food?

Have you ever walk down to supermarkets and look for a potion to end your life easily?

Have you ever been in with your friends and still felt lonely?

Have you ever questions to yourself why on earth your family and friends love you?

Have you ever felt disgusted about your own self?

Have you ever felt that you are damages good?

Have you ever wonder and think why series of unfortunate event come to your life?

Have you ever think and wonder why your whole life is such a big mess when it compare to anyone?

Have you ever felt happy and jealous at the same time with family and friends because they have everything that you secretly wish for?

Have you ever thought that destiny that Allah creates for you are the worst thing that ever happens to you?

Have you ever wonder that you and happiness are two different things that would never meet in real life?

Have you ever wondered that you and the entire thing (sad, sorrow, dark moments) are your mates for life?

Have you ever lost in public places because your mind in somewhere else and realized that you are in the wrong place?

Have you ever wonder why everyone else seems to be in perfect situation and your situations are seems in the chaos every single time?

Have you ever wondered what mistake you've done to that deserves everything happens in your life?

Have you ever felt that can't handle anymore crap and bullshit in your life?

Have you ever thought that nothing good will ever come to your life?

Have you ever felt that world is a really bad place to live and dream?

If you've been all those situations and all the answers to every damn question are yes, and then by all means do whatever you please.

Not being sarcastic or point my finger to anyone about this.

FYI this post is about my personal life and I've felt all those every question that I've wrote earlier.

The truth is I am in super duper lowest point in my life and frankly the thought of suicide or end my life frequently comes to mind.

I realize right now being in the lowest point in my life but I refuse those issue bring me down even more.

I am having the darkest moment but that doesn't mean I had to put myself in a sorrow mood all the time.

Please don't make your life darker by doing that. Please don’t self pity yourself.

I know it’s kind of cliche by saying: there’s a silver lining even in the worst storm ever.

I know and realized that my life right now isn’t my favorite.

The only thing I know that even the darkest storm won’t last forever.

Right now I might be the most fragile person in world but at the end of day I’ll be the one who walk with pride and huge damn smile in my face

Bismillah