The People I don't Want to Loose

There’s a part of this ending that nobody really talks about.  

Sometimes, you don’t just lose the person. You lose the people who came with them.

And that part is fucking tragic.  Because I genuinely loved being around his sister.

His niece. His in-laws. His dad. His aunt. His cousins.

The random conversations. The laughing. The food.

The stupid little moments that didn’t seem important at the time.

They became part of my life without me realizing it.

And now? 

I have no idea what happens to those relationships when the marriage is no longer a marriage.

Do I still call? Do I still show up?

Do I suddenly become the awkward woman who used to be family but technically isn’t anymore?

Do we pretend nothing changed?

Or do we just slowly disappear from each other’s lives because apparently divorce and estrangement come with an invisible fucking unsubscribe button?

The cruel part is I don’t have anything against them.

I don’t want to erase them. I don’t wish I had never known them.

I actually miss them. And that makes this whole thing more complicated.

Because I can say: I don’t want that marriage back.

And at the exact same time say: I wish I didn’t have to lose these people.

Both things can be true. I can stop loving the life I had without hating everyone who was part of it.

I can let go of a marriage and still grieve the family I found inside it.

Maybe that’s what makes endings so damn unfair.

Sometimes you don't lose the people you wanted to lose.

You lose the people you wanted to keep.

And there’s no villain in that particular goodbye.

Just life being unnecessarily fucking cruel.

So yeah I’ll probably miss them. Maybe for a long time. And maybe that’s okay.

Because not every person we lose was meant to be removed from our hearts.

Some people were simply part of a chapter that ended before we were ready to stop turning the pages.