You can't ask generosity from a man who doesn't have emotional connection

And there is one thing people seem to be forgetting.

You cannot keep calculating a man's generosity based on the marriage he used to have when that man has already emotionally left the marriage.

That's the part everyone seems to miss. 

 

They look at what other husbands have given their wives.

They compare. They calculate.

They say, “But if he has money, why doesn't he just give more?”

Because apparently everyone forgot one tiny detail: money may follow obligation, but generosity usually follows emotional connection.

And when the emotional connection is gone? 

You cannot simply walk into the man's wallet and expect the version of him who used to love you to still be standing there.

That man is gone. The marriage is ending. The emotional attachment is gone.

The relationship is being reduced to paperwork, responsibilities, negotiations, and whatever the law says each person is entitled to.

That's reality.

Not: “But someone's husband gave her this.”

Not: “I know a woman whose husband did that.”

Not: “If he really cared, he'd give her everything.”

That's not how this particular story works.

You can't use somebody else's marriage as the financial blueprint for mine.

And honestly? If generosity could be summoned by family gossip, every divorce lawyer would be unemployed. 😂

 

What I can ask for is what is reasonable. 

What I can negotiate is what is defensible.

What I can pursue is what my lawyer believes I have a legitimate basis to pursue.

But I am not going to build my expectations around somebody else's husband, somebody else's marriage, or somebody else's fantasy of what a wealthy man should voluntarily hand over to his estranged wife.

Because estranged is the important word everyone keeps skipping.

They see the husband. I see the distance.

They see the money. I see the emotional connection that no longer exists.

They see what he could give. 

I have to deal with what he is actually willing to give.

And those are two very fucking different things. 

 

So no. I'm not waiting for some magical burst of generosity from a man who has already emotionally checked out of the marriage.

I'm dealing with reality. And reality, unfortunately, doesn't come with a rich-husband comparison chart.

It comes with a lawyer, paperwork, negotiations, and a woman trying to make sure she doesn't walk away from four years of marriage with nothing but emotional damage and a fucking folder of documents.

And frankly? 

That's enough administrative trauma for one lifetime.