Ibu Suri said something today that made me laugh. Not because it was funny.
More because if I didn't laugh, I might have to explain reality to her for the next three hours.
She said something along the lines of: “You should ask him for something substantial.”
And I thought…
Ibu suri. Really? 😂
I know where it comes from.
She's Ibu Suri.
She sees me getting divorced and immediately goes into: PROTECT THE DAUGHTER AT ALL COSTS MODE.
She wants me to be secure. She wants me to have something to fall back on.
She doesn't want me walking away from a marriage with nothing but emotional damage and a folder full of documents.
Fair. Honestly, I appreciate the instinct.
But there's one tiny detail she seems to have forgotten.
This isn't the marriage she thinks it is. She is looking at other people's stories.
Other women. Other husbands. Other marriages. Other circumstances.
And somehow applying all of that to mine.
But I'm sitting here thinking: “Ibu Suri, you know who I'm actually divorcing, right?” 😂
Because this man isn't exactly standing outside my door saying: “Tell me what you need. I want to make sure you're taken care of.”
No. We're at the point where the relationship is being formally dismantled.
The emotional connection is gone. The communication is minimal.
The last meaningful interaction wasn't exactly: “Let's make sure your future is beautifully secured.”
It was closer to: “Good luck with everything.”
So imagine me walking up after that and saying: “Actually, I have an enormous request.” 😂
I can already hear the silence.
The kind of silence where even the furniture becomes uncomfortable.
Then: “Are you fucking kidding me?”
And honestly? Fair.
Because even I would probably look at myself and think: Girl, Read the room. 😂
That's why I'm not interested in making some impossible demand just because somebody else's husband did something different.
I'm not competing with other women's marriages.
I'm not trying to recreate somebody else's divorce settlement.
I'm dealing with the very specific, very complicated, very emotionally fucked-up marriage that I actually lived.
And there is a difference. A huge one.
My mother sees a daughter who needs protection. I see a marriage that is ending.
Both things can be true. She can want me to come out of this secure.
I can want that too. But security doesn't mean asking for something completely detached from reality.
It means figuring out what is reasonable. What is legitimate.
What can actually be negotiated. What makes sense given the circumstances.
And that's why some conversations belong with my lawyer. Not at the dinner table.
Not in the family WhatsApp group.
Not during a Ibu suri - dika brainstorming session titled: “How Much Can We Get Before He Loses His Mind?” 😂
Because once Ibu Suri starts comparing my situation to other people's marriages, we're no longer discussing my divorce.
We're discussing an imaginary version of it.
And unfortunately, imaginary husbands are much more cooperative.
They apparently say: “Of course, darling. Anything you need.”
My husband? Let's just say I'm not submitting that request to him unless my lawyer tells me it makes sense.
Because I have enough problems.
I don't need to add: “Accidentally started World War III during divorce negotiations.”
to the list. 😂
And maybe that's what I'm learning through this whole process.
I don't need to maximize what I can demand. I need to protect what actually matters.
My future. My stability. My dignity.
My ability to walk away from this without having to crawl. That's enough.
I don't need to win the divorce. I need to get through it.
And if there is something I can reasonably claim, I'll let my lawyer tell me.
If there is something worth negotiating, we'll negotiate it. If something is unrealistic?
I'll leave it alone.
Because I'm not interested in looking like I'm trying to take someone for everything they've got.
I'm trying to rebuild a life after something that already took enough from me.
So, Ibu Suri… I love you.
I understand what you're trying to do.
But please stop designing my divorce based on what other husbands did. 😂
Because every marriage has its own story. Every husband has his own attitude.
Every divorce has its own reality.
And unfortunately, mine did not come with the generous-husband expansion pack.
Apparently that feature wasn't installed. 😂
So I'll keep the impossible requests in the fantasy department.
And I'll let my lawyer deal with reality.
Because right now, reality is already complicated enough.
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