Clueless

Ya Allah, Ya Rabb...

Right now, I feel completely lost and overwhelmed by Abang’s condition.

I truly have no idea what to do anymore.

I feel like I’ve tried everything I possibly can, but nothing seems to bring clarity or peace.

Each day feels like I’m walking through fog—unsure, uncertain, and exhausted.

I’ve been holding on for so long, waiting for the progress that was promised.

Yes, there is progress, I can see that. 

But it’s so slow… painfully slow.

Sometimes it feels like we take one small step forward, only to stumble two steps back.

I keep telling myself to be patient, to keep going, to keep praying.

But there are moments—quiet moments, like now—where I just feel so drained.

Tired of hoping without seeing the results.

Tired of trying to stay strong while silently breaking inside.

I don’t know how much longer I can hold on in this kind of situation.

I don’t know how much longer I can carry all of this weight on my shoulders.

It’s heavy.

It’s lonely.

It’s painful.

I miss the man he used to be.

I miss feeling like we were in this life together—as partners, as soulmates.

Now it feels like I’m standing in this battle alone, fighting for something that sometimes doesn’t feel like it’s even there anymore.

And yet, I can’t seem to let go.

Because deep down, I still believe.

I still believe in who he is.

I still believe in the vows we made.

And I still believe that Allah’s plan, no matter how difficult it is to understand right now, is always the best.

So, Ya Allah, Ya Rabb…

I come to You with nothing but honesty, pain, and a heart that is barely holding on.

Please, grant me strength when I feel weak.

Please, guide me when I feel lost.

Please, bring light to this darkness and hope to this heaviness.

Please, show me the way forward, whatever that may be.

If there is still a future for us, please heal him.

Please return him to the man he once was—the man I love, the man I miss.

And if not, please give me the courage to accept what is best, even if it breaks my heart.

I know You hear every unspoken cry.

I know You see every tear I’ve wiped away in silence.

Ya Allah, Ya Rabb…

Please, give me the best solution for all of this.

The one that aligns with Your wisdom, with Your mercy, and with what is truly best for both of us.

Aamiin.