Powerless

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Each day passes by, and he's still not the man I used to know…

I miss him so much.

I miss his smile, his warmth, his jokes—everything that used to make my world feel safe and complete.

And right now, more than anything, I need him. 

I need him—not just his presence, but the man he truly is, the one I fell in love with, the one I chose to spend the rest of my life with.

I never thought I’d be facing something like this again.

The first time I experienced something like this, it was with my father.

It was painful, confusing, and honestly, traumatizing.

That period left a scar on my heart that never really faded.

And now here I am, years later, walking down a path that feels eerily familiar—but this time, it's with my husband.

It hurts in ways I can’t fully describe.

To wake up each day next to someone who feels emotionally distant… 

someone who looks the same, but somehow isn't.

Someone who used to know the very rhythm of my soul, but now feels like a stranger at times.

I try to stay strong, but the truth is… I feel so powerless.

Fragile.

Weak.

Like I’m holding on to pieces of something that used to be whole.

Sometimes I wonder if he knows how much this is affecting me.

How much I ache just to feel close to him again.

To laugh together like we used to.

To talk for hours without feeling like there’s a wall between us.

To simply be in each other’s presence and feel whole.

I miss him with every fiber of my being.

And even though he's right here, living and breathing, there's this emptiness that grows with every passing day.

I keep praying.

I keep hoping.

I keep reminding myself that love is not just about the good times, but about holding on when everything feels like it's falling apart.

I don’t know how long this phase will last.

I don’t even know if he realizes the depth of the pain I’m carrying silently.

But I know one thing—despite the exhaustion, the tears, and the loneliness, I still choose him.

I just want him back.

The real him.

The version of him that held my hand not just out of habit, but out of love.

The one who saw me even when I didn’t say a word.

Ya Allah… I really, really need him.

Please bring him back to me.