Speechless

Speechless…

I really did…

I gave it my all.

I held on when it hurt,

I stayed when it would’ve been easier to walk away.

Never…

Never did I imagine it would come to this.

I thought we were different.

I believed in the vows, the dreams,

the quiet promises whispered late at night.

I thought our marriage was made to last— not to crumble like this… not like this.

I tried…

Oh, how I tried.

Every prayer, every tear, every silent sacrifice—

I poured my soul into keeping us whole.

But no matter what I did, it was like trying to hold onto water.

It slipped through my fingers, and he kept slipping further away.

A wall grew between us, one brick at a time— built with silence, distance, and things we never said out loud.

Ya Allah…

Only You know how hard I’ve fought for this.

Only You witnessed the nights I begged You to soften his heart, to guide us back to each other.

But here I am…

speechless.

Empty.

Tired.

It feels like I’m the only one left

still wanting this marriage to work.

Still holding onto the pieces.

Still reaching out while he looks away.

He won’t try.

He won’t fight.

Not for me.

Not for us.

And I wonder…

Ya Allah, am I asking for too much?

All I wanted was a little family of my own— a home filled with warmth,
laughter, shared prayers, and love that stays.

Was it too much to dream of growing old with someone who cherishes me?

To be someone’s choice every single day?

Why does love feel so unreachable?

Why does it feel like I’m the only one walking this path with bleeding feet?

What am I supposed to do now?

I look in the mirror and I barely recognize the girl I used to be—
the girl who smiled with hope, who believed love could conquer anything.

Ya Allah…

Give me strength.

Stronger than yesterday.

Stronger than this sorrow.

Help me make sense of this aching silence.

Help me understand the lesson wrapped inside this heartbreak.

Help me let go… if letting go is the way forward.

Help me stay… if there’s still something left to save.

Right now, I don’t have the answers.

Right now, I’m just trying to breathe

through the weight of everything unsaid.

I’m speechless, Ya Allah…

But even in my silence,

my heart still calls out to You.