Dikapink Bawel Pendiam

(Don't ) Change Please

2011-12-26T09:23:00.001+07:00

~~Don't~~ Change Please <------ I've still remember those word she told me before she got married

Back then we're close, might be not that close but we've shared a lot of happiness and sadness

Back then she was a nice companion, great friend, nice sister and everything i can imagine what i have if i have my own sister

Even thought we have up and down on friendship but i really thought it will last long

But then again who i am to dream about it

She's the one that says to me : When i got married one day, Please ~~Don't~~ Change. Please don't keep the distance from me.

I keep my promise for not be the one whose change and the one whose doesn't keep the distance

For an incident that happen 25 Dec 2011, just want to say :

Thank you for the the friendship and i really appreciate it
Deeply Apologize if after all these time shared happiness and sadness, we've just a huge burden for you
Deeply Apologize if after all these time we're not being a friend or companion just like you want us to be
It's a great honor to have you as a friend

Adios Amigo Dear You ;)

Take good care of you & your family

If somehow in the future by any chance, you meet us in the street don't bother say hallo or chat with us because we've understand that you don't want to have anything or doing something that include us ;)

Don't worry we're not keep the distance with you, it's you're the one who keep the distance from us.

You make that huge wall between us buts that's OK. It really does

Just remember when somehow in the future by any chance, you think that you need us just remember its not us the one who walk away but its you the one who turn your back on us

Good bye dear friend ;)

Status : Married

2011-11-07T08:02:00.002+07:00

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ

23 Oktober 2011 We're officially husband and wife ;)

Speechless ;)

All the thing happens before the ceremony, all the struggle are worth to fight for ;)

Yesterday when fill any kind of form, on the status column I wrote : Single ;)

Today when fill any kind of form, on the status column I wrote : Happily Married ;)

Married isn't the end of the road but its a beginning of a long journey ;)

Spending the rest of our life together ;)

Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome the newlyweed : Mr Abdul Rozak and Mrs Andika Radityani

They officially husband and wife ;)

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ

بِسْــــــــــــــــــــــمِ اللّهِ رَّحْمَنِ ارَّحِيم

آَمِيّــــــنْ

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Why?

2011-09-05T10:37:00.003+07:00

Don't understand why is it happen?

We were happy couple back then.

We share our happiness, sorrow, sadness, never keeping secret from each other.

I know that we aren't living on fairy tail but this isn't what I imagine would happen these day

We are counting the days to our happy day

We are supposed to face the upcoming days with full smile, happiness

But

What we are facing right now just another rock, rock and upcoming rock

We keep arguing the same old stuff each time

We supposed to prepare every single thing with enthusiasm, happiness, curiosity

But

Each time we keep talking the same old stuff without having any solution

Kinda depressing, hard to handle

Preparation should mean excitement, enthusiasm, happiness, curiosity

Huff

But then again if the result are happily married then again it worth fighting for

بِسْــــــــــــــــــــــمِ اللّهِ رَّحْمَنِ ارَّحِيم

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It's not my battle anymore

2011-08-12T02:02:00.001+07:00

It's not my battle anymore

Yup finally i made up my mind and make that decision.

Quite impulsive decision for some people but for me its the right decisio

Geezz I've still remember the whole detail on that creepy day

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday 22 July 2011 when they inform to everyone to attend that important meeting

On that important meeting, a consultant talks about every single thing that happen

Pretty shocking when they just give every single information whether we need to know or not

In the middle of meeting, my instinc telling that i should make some huge change and i should take it now before its too late

After that important meeting, i talk to the consultant and ask about the procedure

Based on my judgement that day, he was pretty shock about the decision that i take but he told me about the standard procedure

He ask me a lot of question and explain the whole detail standard procedure

That minute i made all the preparation and i don't wait tomorrow because when i wait until tomorrow, i know that i will change my decision again

So i hand that document on their desk (his desk & her desk) and on my way home, i meet HIM

I told him about my resignation letter which i already put on his table and he ask a lot of question, mostly about my motivation

Keep on digging but you won't get any information from me

I Leave with a BIG SMILE on my face

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday 25 July 2011

She Called and ask me to come to her office

Ask about my resignation letter, the reason why suddenly made that decision, my motivation and then she told me again about the whole 3 month procedure

At the end of discusion, she told me : OK then, you will be here until the end of september

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday 26 July 2011

He called and ask me to come to his office and then asking the same question, motivation and the reason.

He said that I already discus it with BIG BOSS and BIG BOSS said if we can make it fast why should we postpone it

He said to BIG BOSS, why can he be here at least until Idul Fitri for THR (Yeah right, he defend me after all these time)

He repeat what BIG BOSS said : Don't worry about THR, i know my worker rights and i will give it

He said to me : Mark my promise, you will have what you deserve and BIG BOSS said : Per 1 Agustus 2011 mulai tidak aktif dan kamu bisa disini sampai hari jumat (JEDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR)

Omongan bisa berubah-rubah gitu dalam waktu sehari

The most unbelieveable thing is they don't even bother to give me a chance to think everything again

And When He said : so gimana dika? Per 1 Agustus 2011 mulai ngga aktif tapi kamu disini bisa sampai jumat, gimana?

Dika : Ok then

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That day is I realize that i made the right decision to walk out from there

It's not my battle anymore so why even bother to survive there

I made a promise to myself that today will be my last day to be there so i meet all my friend and said a nice and decent goodbye

I made a promise that i won't be there for any reason at all

Huff

Its not my battle anymore

I should have known better that some people are too good to be true (a spy and backstabber)

Ah sudahlah tak ada gunanya juga

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sudah Kuikhlaskan semua yang telah terjadi disana

Masuk baik-baik dan keluar baik-baik meskipun kenyataannya tidak begitu...

- The End-

Herman dwehhhh

2011-06-16T15:33:00.001+07:00

Herman dwehhhhhh

Baru ini ada trainer protes tentang hasil review dari peserta trainer dan yang dikomplain itu bukan dari sisi materi atau segi penyampaian materi yang diberikan

Little bit confused

Long story short : We buy software from X company and she was one of trainer from x company.

We scheduled the training on specified date and time but somehow on the first day, she comes late without further notice.

She schedule the appointment on 9 AM but she showed up on 10.30 AM and there were some technical issue on the day 1 training.

On the last day she show up on time and i don't know what happen the rest of the day because i have to attend weekly meeting

Early morning she sends a notification message that the training was reschedule on 1 PM, so when the time 1 PM and she hasn't come yet, i send a confirmation message

Me : miss X, hows training today? is it still on 1 AM?

Miss X : Yes, i am on the way

Me : Aren't we scheduled it on 1 AM

Miss X : I am sorry, but isn't your review that i always shows up late

Me : I summarize the review based on trainees review not from my personal review

Wekwewwwwwwwwwww

Hermannnnnnnnnnnnn

Its an extraordinary stuff, trainers complain for their performance review but the most ridiculous thing, she complain about her show up late (but it was true based on what happen on that day)

Ngga enak hati jadi memutuskan menemui miss X itu disamping trainingnya sampai sore juga *huh*

memberanikan diri dan minta maaf (meskipun sebenernya dika ngga salah karena hanya menyampaikan apa yang direview sama peserta lainnya)

Udah ngomong capek-capek eh dia dengerin setengah hati sambil mainin hp (terlihat sekali kalo dia masih sangat dendam)

Jujur sedikit merasa terganggu dengan kelakuan miss X itu tapi ya sudahlah kalo begitu

aku sudah meminta maaf tetapi tanggapannya masih begitu ya berarti sudah bukan urusan dika lagi :)

Kelihatan mana yang profesional dan mana yang tidak

Nggak seharusnya terlalu dimasukin ke hati toh itu bukan opini pribadi dika :P

Ternyata sudah sedikit lebih lihai memainkan topeng *buahahahahaha*

A Step Ahead

2011-05-21T22:23:00.001+07:00

Fiuhhhhhh

Alhamdulillah.

Satu langkah menuju Hari Besar yang selama ini dinanti akhirnya tiba juga.

Jangan ditanya deh perasannya kayak apa?

Itu rasanya udah amburadul. Senang, Dag Dig Dug, Gelisah, Takut, Nervous,

Semua rasa bercampur jadi satu.

Nervous? Hah ya iyalah nervous beratzzz

Dari hari minggu itu mengalami gejala aneh. Aneh kenapa : tiap kali makan siang pasti ngga pernah abis, tapi masih lapar perutnya.

Meh ngaco berat deh perut

Dah gitu kayaknya ada aja yg bermasalah. Haduhhh

Sehari sebelum Hari H, itu bener-bener parahhhhh.

Ngga pernah ada yg beres di mata dika. Ada aja yang ngaco huaaaaaa

Malamnya ngga bisa tidur nyenyak berat mikirin gimana besok pagi.

Dari pagi ribet ngurusin perintilan ina itu, dan begitu liat Dia dan rombongan datang.

Ugh itu bawannya pengen langsung ngibrit ke pintu (huahahaha)

Dah diancam sana sini buat sandera  selama acara berlangsung

Dan begitu acara berlangsung, dengan susah payah nyimak apa aja yang diomongin.

Klimaksnya pas ditanya : Jadi gimana jawaban dari Andika atas Pinangan Abdul Rozak?

Dika : (maksud hati teriak bilang I DO) eh yang ada cuma ngangguk.

Lebih malu pas Om Syaiful bilang : seorang gadis itu diam adalah jawabannya. Kalo dia diam itu jawabannya. Nah ini andika mengangguk, berarti jawabannya SUPER SUPER IYA

Dan semua orang ketawa (refleks ngakak sama jawaban dika kayaknya)

Dan setelah acara selesai, ugh itu LEGAnya BERASA BANGET.

Its official now, soon going to be HUSBAND & WIFE

Alhamdulillah

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Next Step

2011-05-20T15:03:00.001+07:00

Alhamdulillah

Its official, now we are heading to the next big step

Agak sedikit takjub dengan semua proses yang saat ini berjalan

Semua perjuangan demi terjalannya semua proses yang sekarang berjalan

And it all pays off

Bismillah

Alhamdulillah

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(BUKAN) SUPER WOMAN

2011-05-20T14:42:00.001+07:00

(BUKAN) SUPER WOMAN

I am not super woman who can do everything in just a week

Its not that I am complain much but its IMPOSSIBLE to do everything they ask in just a WEEK

I am not focus? Hell no.

FOKUS bukan berarti bisa mengerjakan SEMUA dalam SEMINGGU

MEH!

Emang bener kalo udah ngga nyaman itu harus segera CABUT

Ya Allah yang maha mendengar semua keluh kesah dika selama ini

Segala upaya telah dika keerahkan tetapi sampai saat ini semua seperti menembus tembok berlin

Dika bener-bener capek sama semua situasi yang sangat menguras energi dan mental.*meh berat amat yach*

Astagfirullah

Huff

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I Hate it

2011-05-05T21:20:00.001+07:00

I Hate it so bad that makes me want to scream so loud in some place

I hate it so bad because never felt like this before

I hate it because this silence killing me

I hate it because all this time I try to compromise everything but when I ask you to compromise one single thing then you said all those hurt word

When people angry sometimes they said without thinking before

I hate it so much because realized you've said those word without knowing it hurt me deep inside

I know you've said those word because being trap into this whole situation

I felt that too and honestly I am desperately want to go to next step

Yesterday I still dream about our future, spending my whole life with someone I love (yes you) but now I don't know either I still want it

This whole thing make my world like hell

I am frustrate here too, can't you see that or you just don't want to see it

I never promise everything will run smooth but i can give my word that would never be any stupid request

All I ask to you, please be more compromise and flexible about this

Is it too much to ask

You said that you are tired and bla bla bla bla

But can't you imagine what's its like to be in my position.

In the other side was them who loved me dearly and I love them so much, yet the other side I have you (the man I love and i am willing spend the rest of my life with you)

I can't choose which side to stand and I won't choose

So I am gonna ask the same thing over and over again

Do you still have those dream about our future?

Do you still have the idea of spending the rest of your life with me?

Do you still have the same vision about our future?

If all the answer is yes, then by all means please be more flexible and more compromise

But if all the sudden, you feel it was too much then feel free to leave. I won't blame you for that

What your call?

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Riweh Suriweh

2011-05-05T14:48:00.001+07:00

Riweh Suriweh

Never thought would be this stubborn everyone will be. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Compromise is the key for everything but how come to find to solution if each individual insist their solution is the very best

The best thing we can do right now is share each other emotion with cool head but not discuss from gadget because so many message can't be delivered, so many wild emotion, so many miss understanding

Its not that i don't want every solution come in time but there's some rules we need to follow.

If we come to a new environment, we should adapt to the new environment not the environment adapt with us.

I am dying to go the next step for our journey but once we did that step, i bet there won't be another request

Why can't we just did that step and see whats happen next instead of worrying too much about something unsure

Why can't we compromise a little bit and downsize our ego

Everyone have their version about their best solution

Why can't we just think positive about their solution (i guess its harmless)

Come on we go to that step for continue the next level

Do we really have the same vision about our future? If we still have the same vision, so lets do this

But if our vision aren't the same anymore, well then adios amigo *weks*

Whats your call?

Arrogant

2011-04-22T20:27:00.001+07:00

Arrogant?

What will cross your mind when someone just say that in front of your face?

Punch that person in face :p *nah, I am just kidding*

But seriously, what would you do when someone say that you arrogant right in front your face?

Arrogant?

I really hate those word specially when someone told that to me.

Someone that claims to be bestfriend just say that to me.

Even she doesn't say that right in front of my face, just read in my phone just make me so damn irritated

That person whose claim to be my best friend know for sure that i really hate those damn word

Whats the hell was that?

Whats got into that person mind make that person says those forbidden word.

That person knows me for years (even thought not a hundred thousand year) but she knows me damn well so why is she keep using those forbidden word

After all this time, she always saying those word to me specially when we doesn't chat for a long time.

Whenever she need a shoulder or someone she can talk with, if i could be there for her then I'll be there

I respect whatever the decision she make in her life, even when she make that sudden change in her life.

I never question her decision what so ever.

You are the one who decided to disappear in everyone's life and now you are also the one whose said i am arrogant.

When you decided to choose that person to be your spouse, with all due respect i appreciate your decision because if that person can make you happy than its the right decision.

Even that person try to control your life include control which friend you should hang out, limit your every move.

And all the sudden you have change to someone stranger.

Someone who i never knew

But then again who am i to say that to you?

Its your life, your future then its up to you.

And if you already decided to spend your life time with him, i really wish you all the happiness

From the deep down inside my heart, wish u a happy and long lasting marriage

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That's it

2011-04-14T23:53:00.003+07:00

That's it? That's all I can say right now

Noooooooo

After some small accident that happen today, i get scold both from ketua adat and kepala suku hehehe

After I told every single thing that I've felt couple month in the back and its kinda drive me nuts

All ketua adat says is : kerja itu jangan pake hati, apapun yang dulu pernah terucap jangan dimasukin ke hati.

Kalo sekarang kamu dikasih kerjaan trs orang lain yg nerusin that's mean you so damn good.

You will be the head of internal control and what's the hell you trying to do just now, resign?

That was stupid.

Don't you know that Internal control means you supervise every single thing everyone did and you will have your own team. You will be the head of internal control.

It mean something than just doing some paper work accounting sheet.

They told you to built an SOP of something then hand it to someone else to continue and then they told you to make another SOP of something

You know what's that all about : they know what's your capable of doing, they know you are great at this so that why they give you this assignment

So what if your background was finance and you don't do finance work.

Work means that do a lot of different task not doing the same task over and over again.

Internal control means you supervise everything and that's means you will learn so much about every single thing

U said that you don't have any job to do.

Its a new school for god sake so its natural if there's nothing much to do

If you don't have anything to do then by all mean read something, learn something, practice something

You know what they give you this assignment because they know that you are that good that's why.

Don't just give up and said I don't do this because this isn't my specialty.

Work is never ending learning

Keep fighting

Prove it to them that you are so much better than this

If you really can't handle it anymore then by all means just quit but then what will you do next?

Do you already have plan or got a new job again?

Dear, working isn't about doing the same thing over and over again.

If that's what you think about working well then I guess I was wrong send you to college and study all those thing

Working is always learn something new, something different, something that's not always our specialty.

Your new job that they were given its great.

By all means its like that they give you promotion without you realized it

Just give it a try and see what's happen next please

If you already try it and it was not as you think it was and couldn't handle it again then you can resign

I never teach you to run from responsibility just like you did today

I know this isn't like what in you have in mind about that dream job but you already choose to have this job so do your job with the very best effort you can give

Give it a try and probably you might like and love this job a lot

If you can't handle this then by all means you won't survive in anywhere because no matter where you work, stuff like this always happen

Give it sometime :)

Don't give a damn about what's been said in the past because what's happen in the past stay in the past

Just think positive that the reason they give you this job because they know that you are damn good at this and they want to teach you everything so that why they make you Head of Internal Control.

They know that you can do much more than just doing some finances sheet.

You should be grateful that they give you that position, that's because they know you can growth much more than before.

Its a great opportunity and sadly I can't think any single thing why you want to resign because of this?

I never teach my kids to run from responsibility and I really don't want you to do that

Give it a try and see what's happen next.

Well after that long word with ketua adat, I realized that I was take this the wrong way.

I let the heart, the anger take control and simply ignore what mind said

Well I guess that I'll give it a try then, what's harm could it be

*udah malam ngantuk plus pegel nulisnya*

Good night

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Terdampar

2011-04-13T23:38:00.003+07:00

Sesaat tersadar bahwa diri tersesat dalam hutan belantara yang penuh dengan jebakan mematikan yang dapat merengut jiwa dari raga dalam sekejap

Tersesat tanpa petunjuk arah, kompas ataupun peta

Tersesat seorang diri dalam hutan belantara tanpa mengetahui jalan mana yang harus ditempuh untuk kembali ke peradaban

Kembali dalam peradaban yang terlihat begitu nyaman, teratur meski sama menakutkan seperti hutan belantara.

Peradaban yang teramat sangat dirindukan seolah semakin tak terjangkau olehnya

Peradaban dan segala sesuatu yang dahulu sedikit diremehkan sekarang menjadi obsesi tak berkesudahan

Semakin hari hutan belantara itu menjadi tempat menakutkan, menyeramkan dan sangat tak nyaman untuk menetap disana

Jangan ditanya entah berapa puluh juta kali mencari jalan keluar dari hutan belantara tetapi hasilnya hanyalah kegagalan dan kegagalan

Kegagalan yang berulang terjadi menjadikannya pesimis yang memandang rendah dirinya

Segala pandangan optimis yang dulu ada seolah hilang tak berbekas ditiup angin

Kini tak ada lagi ucapan optimis dengan percaya diri berpuluh juta yang dulu dimiliki

Yang ada kini hanyalah label pecundang yang dimiliki

Pecundang yang sama sekali tak boleh berharap

Bahkan berharap untuk keajaiban sudah tak lagi ada dalam dirinya

Semua sudah hilang lenyap tak berbekas diterpa debu

Jangan berharap bahwa dia yang sekarang adalah orang yang dahulu mempunyai semangat juang terdahsyat, Percaya diri berpuluh juta, pandangan optimis yang menakjubkan.

Saat ini dia hanyalah seseorang yang tersesat dihutan belantara. Entah kapan akhirnya bisa keluar dari hutan belantara dan kembali ke peradaban

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Kegagalan = sukses yang tertunda

2011-04-13T23:09:00.004+07:00

Gagal?

Semua orang pasti pernah merasakan kegagalan.

Well paling tidak mereka berusaha dengan segenap daya dan upaya untuk mengapai sesuatu dan jika hasilnya gagal, at least they already try with their best effort

Lain halnya jika mereka tidak pernah sungguh-sungguh dengan segenap daya dan upaya lalu akhirnya gagal, kalo seperti itu udah ngga heran.

How is it felt when we already did the very best we can do, but the result is failure (again and again)

Introspeksi?

Change the strategy?

Disaat segala daya dan upaya telah dikerahkan sekuat tenaga, tetapi akhirnya harus menerima kenyataan bahwa hasil akhir adalah gagal (lagi dan lagi)

Its sucks.

They say nobody's perfect but I wonder what would they do if every single thing they do always ends up with failure.

Wouldn't it be stressful enough?

Kegagalan adalah sukses yang tertunda (well everyone knows that) tapi apakabar dengan kegagalan yang berulang.

Mungkin mereka akan berkata bahwa orang yang mengalami itu adalah pecundang

Well I guess that was it

I am just simply a looser

Bukan bermaksud mencemooh diri sendiri, menghina diri sendiri tapi saat ini tak ada lagi kepercayaan diri akan kemampuan yang dimiliki.

U can say that I am weak or anything and I simply don't give a damn about it

Disaat terpuruk jauh saat ini dan teramat sangat membutuhkan shoulder to cry on tapi nampaknya semua sedang sibuk dengan kehidupan mereka

Well I guess now its only me, myself and dika

Semoga masih bisa bertahan dan tidak berubah menjadi ajaib

*me, myself and dika*

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Suntuk

2011-04-13T22:43:00.005+07:00

Suntuk?

Gundah?

Well everyone have their own time.

Its my darkness time (again).

Ngga pernah merasa sesuntuk dan sebuntu ini seolah tak ada lagi jalan keluar yang bisa dilalui

Don't ask why or what happened because I don't really know the answer.

Pernah ngga merasa buntu tentang semua hal yang (selalu) ngga berjalan dengan mulus.

Semua hal terasa begitu rumit, menyebalkan dan buntu

Saat semua yang biasa terjadi menjadi teramat sangat rumit tak ubah seperti puzzle abstrak

Sungguh teramat sangat tersiksa dengan ketidakberdayaan ini.

Saat semua yang kulakukan menjadi tak berarti, tak berharga dan tiada artinya.

Saat kegagalan menjadi teman terbaik dimana seharusnya kegagalan pergi berkelana ke satu tempat

Halusinasi busuk apa lagi yang kurasakan saat ini?

Disaat rutinitas biasa menjadi monster yang tak terkendalikan dan menakutkan.

Disaat semua berkata bahwa ini adalah keniscayaan.

Keniscayaan?

Sungguh naif berkata seperti itu seolah apa yang kurasakan hanyalah sebentuk fatamorgana di padang pasir belaka.

Halusinasikah ini?

Fatamorganakah ini?

Saat ini aku tak mempunyai jawabannya

Entah kapan akan kutemukan jawabannya

Hingga saat itu datang, aku hanya akan berada disini memakai topeng yang selama ini kukenakan

*puff* menghilang

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Selintas Nulis

2011-03-24T10:04:00.008+07:00

Lately there so many things surround in my head and i wrote them in tweet. Here some of my writing

Give a good reason why we should stay together when everything look impossible for us to stay together

No matter what I've said that word, it won't change the freeze between us. So what next?

What's been done can't never be erase even time couldn't do that? So What happen next? Don't just stand there & keep silent

In case you don't know, this silence killing me slowly. Its hurt so bad. I'd rather be died than deal this silence

For what its worth, i won't do anything or go to unknown place. Some said it stupid for waiting impossible miracle.

They might say anything but I won't give a damn about it. I know what my heart said because it mention your name.

How naive to think that patience don't have it limits?. Already decide won't wait anymore and will go to some unknown place.

Why can't accept the fact that I've finally made up my mind? Why always tell negative stuff about the future. it won't happen

Somehow I believe it won't happen. God forbid if the worst happen, I'll leaving all behind

What's wrong with us? Why can't living a normal situation like everyone else without questioning almost about everything :(

Why treat others & judge them doing the same mistake like they used to have? That's not fair. I know they more than that :(

Why can't they understand if they keep doing this, it will ruin the whole future and ruin my life into million pieces

I said too much and I beg too much. I won't said anything ever again. Won't sit around and wait for miracle either. I am leaving for good

Too much understanding. Too much holding back emotion. Believe its only a matter of time, it will explode and destroy everything

There's a huge different between can't read the sign & ignore the sign. Its like denial the truth

If what we used to have are still there, why the hell get a sign that is over? How come?

Why?

Hufffffffff

2011-03-04T13:08:00.003+07:00

Hufff

Don't mean to complain or anything but if i know it would be so damn hard and so damn tricky, i wouldn't take it on the first place

I never ask it on the first place, they ask for me to join them for a couple time and this is what i get.

I admit my performance might not be the best, well this is my first time work in educational field and i already told that i am not that good in accounting but still they ask me to join.

Well then alright and i join them

I admit that it took sometime for me to adapt in the new environment surround with new people.

I am open with critics but i know when its time to defend myself for unreasonable criticism

They say that i am withdraw myself (in term of not socialize)

My term of socialize is hanging around, having some chit chat & some silly conversation but not at work hour

If their term of socialize is hanging around, having some chit chat & some silly conversation at work hour, so damn sorry to tell that its not who i am.

They say that i am not being empathy.

Definition empathy from Wikipedia is the capacity to recognize and, to some extent, share feelings (such as sadness or happiness) that are being experienced by another semi-sentient being. Someone may need to have a certain amount of empathy before they are able to feel compassion.

Kalo dalam bahasa indonesianya : empati adalah (dari Bahasa Yunani εμπάθεια yang berarti "ketertarikan fisik") didefinisikan sebagai kemampuan seseorang untukmengenali, mempersepsi, dan merasakan perasaan orang lain.

Karena pikiran, kepercayaan, dan keinginan seseorang berhubungan dengan perasaannya, seseorang yang berempati akan mampu mengetahui pikiran dan mood orang

Empati sering dianggap sebagai semacam resonansi perasaan.

Di artikel lain yang dibaca,

Sifat peduli kerap kali juga dikaitkan dengan sifat simpati atau empati, Secara singkat, sifat ini mengacu pada keadaan Seseorang yang merasa iba, prihatin, atau hampir merasakan apa yang dirasakan oleh orang lain. Rasanya tak ada yang salah dengan sifat ini.

Namun, banyak pula yang menganggap jika empati hanya cocok jika ditempatkan di kehidupan sosial atau saat manusia bersosialisasi,tapi tidak di lingkungan kerja.

Mereka menganggap, menunjukkan sifat empati di lingkungan kerja hanya akan membuat seseorang terlihat lemah dan perasaannya mudah berubah-ubah.

Menurut Judith Orloff, Assistant Clinical Professor Of Psychiatry di UCLA sekaligus penulis buku Emotional Freedom: Liberate Your self from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life, empati memang memiliki dua sisi, baik dan buruk.

Namun,mereka yang memiliki rasa empati berlebih memang harus lebih waspada dengan sifatnya tersebut.

Meski banyak memiliki nilai positif, seseorang yang penuh empati juga tak terhindar dari sifat negatif. Contohnya, mereka yang empati adalah orang yang emosional dan mereka kerap terpancing dengan emosi orang lain.

Hal ini bisa berbahaya jika saat ini dia sebagai atasan tidak bisa menjadi pemimpin berkepala dingin atau pemimpin yang bisa berpikir objektif dalam mengambil keputusan.

Mereka yang penuh empati juga kerap mengalami keletihan jiwa. Pasalnya, mereka menampung banyak keluhan atau perasaan dan rekan-rekan kerjanya. Karena itu pula, mereka kerap membutuhkan keheningan untuk bisa bekerja. Mereka juga sulit untuk bekerja sama dengan orang lain.

Yang mereka butuhkan saat bekerja ialah ketenangan dari segala gangguan. Karena kerap menyendiri, orang lain mungkin menganggap mereka sebagai orang yang antisosial.

Mereka juga bisa terkuras emosinya dengan kehadiran orang orang yang terlihat begitu membutuhkannya atau orahg yang senang berbicara dengannya. Orang-orang ini bisa membuat mereka yang penuh empati mengalami keletihan emosi dan jiwa.

Jadi jika Anda adalah orang yang super sensitif atau penuh empati, bersyukurlah atas berkah tersebut. Namun,Anda juga harus berhati-hati dengan emosi Anda sendiri karena berhubungan dengan kesehatan psikis Anda.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So the bottom line of the story is i don't know what i am supposed to do in here again.

If everything that i do in here with my very best effort and they think that i am not capable for this position

Well then i am speechless and really don't know what to do anymore.

In the end, if they decide to downgrade my position and everything, before that happen i will leave and find a better place for the sake of my heart

If they think i am weak because decided to leave everything and find a better place, well i don't care what they think

They can think what they like,i really don't give a damn

All i can think of is the sake of my heart.

That's all i care about

Busuk

2011-01-28T15:26:00.002+07:00

Bukan maksud hati memblow up masalah yang kecil dan mengecilkan masalah yang besar.

Entah mengapa, dari hari ke hari selalu ada saja alasan untuk pergi berkelana

Selalu ada saja alasan untuk tidak menetap

Sungguh aku sadar bahwa selama ini terlalu banyak kekurangan atas apa yang sudah kutampilkan

Tapi jika hati sudah bertekad untuk berkelana maka jiwa akan bekerja sama dengan raga untuk mencari tujuan baru

Hufttttt

Stuck

2011-01-27T15:17:00.006+07:00

Stuck disini bukan judul lagu Stacie Orico yang famous itu *eh sok tau sekali famous, bukannya itu penyanyi one hits wonder* jiah malah dibahas

Tadinya berharap bahwa di zona yang sekarang ini akan banyak membawa perubahan terutama dalam kehidupanku.

Tapi ternyata memang bener firasat yang kurasa sejak awal.

Bukannya tidak bersyukur sementara banyak orang diluar sana yang jauh lebih tidak beruntung daripada diri ini.

Tapi terlalu banyak ganjalan yang mencuat dan hanya bisa dipendam dalam hati, meski kusadar bahwa tak baik jika terlalu banyak memendam segala ganjalan yang ada. karena bisa jadi suatu saat nanti hanya karena satu pemicu yang tampak biasa malah bisa berubah jadi bom waktu yang menyakitkan.

Sungguh sama sekali tak ingin menciptakan bom waktu yang menyakitkan hati, tapi apa daya hati tak bisa berkata lain.

Sungguh teramat sangat berterimakasih atas kesempatan dan waktu yang diberikan kepadaku

Sungguh aku tak nyaman berada disana

Maafkan saya

Secepat mungkin aku akan mencari kesempatan baru di luar sana dan segera mungkin meninggalkan zona yang sekarang demi kebaikan semua pihak

Insya allah

Indah pada waktunya

2011-01-20T22:59:00.001+07:00

Indah pada waktunya <- bukan judul lagu dan bukan cerita fiksi :p

Terkadang ketika sekilas melihat ke belakang, tampak sedikit terbesit apakah pengorbanan selama 3tahun itu worth it?

Apakah 3 tahun itu akan berbuah manis ataukah tak menghasilkan yang kuinginkan?

Tapi jika dianalisa lebih jauh lagi, dalam tiga tahun itu banyak sekali manfaat yang kurasakan.

Menambah wawasan baru, mempunyai jaringan teman yang berbeda dari sebelumnya dan semua itu tak ternilai.

Semua indah pada waktunya <- sounds so damn klise :p

Cepat atau lambat akan kuraih semua mimpi dan anganku.

آمِيّنْ يَ رَ بَّلْ عَلَمِ

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Cemrangaddddd

Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Badmood max

2011-01-11T10:12:00.002+07:00

Badmood to the max <- bukan judul lagu

I don't know why but every single day seems that I don't have any excuse to continue this fight

Instead find a reason to stay but I just keep find a reason to move on a better place

I know its sounds so pethatic since I am lucky enough for having this 'gift'

But can't help the fact that I just don't feel comfortable anymore in this area

Ya Allah, please show me what's best for me

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Can't Lie

2011-01-10T15:59:00.001+07:00

Can't Lie <-- Bukan judul lagu juga bukan sedang bergalau ria

Terkadang hati dan logika tidak bisa kompak tentang suatu hal.

Terkadang logika mengatakan A dan hati kemudian mengatakan B.

Selalu seperti itu dan tidak (jarang) pernah sinkron satu dengan yang lainnya

My situation right now is like Truth or Dare Game.

In my case Truth means tell the whole true nothing but the true (my hearts voice) and Dare means taking all risk even that means every single thing.

I know that i should choose between Truth or Dare but if i have to choose between Truth Or Dare, i still don't have other option in Truth or Dare.

If i am taking the Truth option and finally decided to take one : I still don't have the nerve and other possible option to take

Also if i am taking the Dare Option and have the nerve to do that : Would i survive and pass the other possible option.

Hufffftttttt

But still deep down inside my heart tell that i no longer enjoy, comfort in this environment and for the sake of my mind i should have find out other possible option soon

Because all the sign tell me to find other option ASAP

Wish me luck then

Dream oh dream

2011-01-05T23:25:00.002+07:00

Dream?

I bet everybody had their own dream with their own version

If someone asked me : Does all your dream come true?

My answer will be : NO because every single day always end up having another dream so i had so many dream.

If they said : Does your glass full of water or half with water or empty?

My answer will be : I don't need a glass when I can have an ocean

Terus what's the meaning of the kamsud tulisan ngga penting ini #getokjidatsendiri

I have tons of dream (some of that dream already work out but some of that dream still pending #dahkayasms)

Kalo ditanya mimpimu apa?

Aku menjawab dengan lantang : aku punya banyak mimpi (sebagian sudah tercapai, sebagian lagi sedang dalam proses, sebagian lagi sedang ditulis)

Dan mereka akan berkata : Ah kau ini terlalu muluk-muluk bermimpi sudahlah realistis sajalah dik. Kau itu seolah ingin mengapai langit. Ingat dika, diatas langit pasti ada langit (eh kalimat terakhir ngga matching kayaknya)

Meskipun mereka mengeluarkan jutaan kata dengan maksud menjatuhkan cemrangaddddd dengan semangat 45, akan jauh lebih baik mereka menghemat energi karena saya ANDIKA RADITYANI tidak akan menyerah hanya karena ucapan tidak penting kalian.

Kalau kalian mengartikan bahwa sikap over optimis ini adalah ambisi pribadi, well looks like you guys were definitely wrong :p

I'd rather say it my own achievement rather than ambitious :p

Say what you wanna said & how you wanna said it :p

But when all my achievement are successful then all I can say is : I told you so :p

*ini tulisan aneh bin ngga penting :p*

Kalo ditanya kenapa ditulis?

Jawabku : Terserah yg punya blog :p

Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Never Ending Surprise

2010-12-21T18:19:00.003+07:00

Hmmmm as always when my birthday come (a month before my birthday :p), the first thing come from his mouth is : ngadoin kamu apa ya?

Nyiahhhhh meski sudah dijawab dengan jawaban dika yg agak super romantis (dilarang protes) : kamu aja dikasih pita :p

Tetap aja repot sendiri bocahnya :p

Masih inget my first birthday spend with him. Dia yang baru pertama kali kenal sama temen-temen fupei entah gimana caranya merencanakan surprise party :)

Meski tanpa sengaja (eh sengaja ngga yach :p) buka facebook dia dan lihat message yang mencurigakan, dan untuk menutupi kecurigaan sang dika maka malamnya dia tiba-tiba nulis status dengan esmosi di facebook :p

Meski pada kenyataannya tgl 12 Desember 2009 surprise itu tetap berjalan :p

Teramat sangat terharu dan sempat menitikkan airmata (tanpa sepengetahuan bocahnya pastinya) :p

Dan ternyata meski sudah di ULTIMATUM sedemikian rupa bocahnya, tetap aja keukeuh ada surprise :p

Dengan kadar kekepoan saya akhirnya sempat tercium gelagat itu meski masih menduga-duga juga seh :p

But anyway, ZILLION THANKS FOR THE SURPRISE PARTY

Setelah hari sabtu 18.12.2010, I am thinking there won't be any surprise but this time he surprise me :D

Thanks for the suprise party and the lovely gift

Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Happy birthday

2010-12-13T01:00:00.003+07:00

Happy Birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear dika

Happy birthday to you

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yippieeeeeeeeeeeeee Yeayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Today are my special day because today is my birthday

Today i received a lot of birthday wish from my best friend, colleague.

Thank you for all the wishes

Hopefully in my new age now, I'll be more wiser than before, I'll be more patient than before.

Hopefully the all the good things come and all the bad thing gone for good

Hopefully all my dream and wish come true in life

KAPAN?? KAPAN KAPAN

2010-12-04T16:35:00.005+07:00

Q : jadi kapan ka?

A : tahun depan? *dalam hati berseru taun depan itu bisa 2011 bisa 2012 bisa 2013* senyum2 sadis :p

Dialog semacam ini biasa dijumpai di acara keluarga *kawinan, resepsi, arisan keluarga*dengan berbagai macam versi yang ada dweh :P

Since my age is mature enough according to elder to get married, I get some disease that called lazy to go to that kinda event.

Haduh malesin aja gitu bawaannya.

Udah abis berbagai versi jawaban yang diberikan kepada khalayak ramai (maksudnya mbah,tante,om,bule,sepupu)

Pengen banget rasanya bilang : rencana married ada tante tapi belum tau waktunya kapan (errr kalo jawaban kayak gini mancing banget buat dijodohin) hahahaha

Kalo bilang tahun depan, maka pertanyaannya akan berlanjut jadi tahun depan? Bulan apa? Tanggal apa? Calonnya siapa?

*pengsannnnnnnnnn*

Bukan maksud tidak sopan tapi saya sudah teramat sangat capek dengan pertanyaan basa basi busuk.

Ada pertanyaan lain ngga?

Maaf banget tapi saya sudah teramat sangat bosan sekali dengernya

*pengsan dulu*

Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

I miss US

2010-11-30T14:29:00.004+07:00

I miss the old us which we can share our beautiful story

Back then when we use to share our moment together, our laughter, our joys, our happiness, our sorrow

I miss the old us which we can have our quality times

Not trying to complain or anything, but I really really miss the old us

Back then we used to shared our story.

We live each other days and at the end of the day, without hesitate we share our story

You share your story and I share my story

You listen my whole story (even that story doesn't mean anything), I listen your story

But today, I felt it only had one way (by all means you shared your story and I am only the listener)

If I tell you my story, at first I notice that you listened but then somehow you cut my story and then tell your story

Forgive me, if I am being such an over doze sensitive and being such a bitch drama queen but that's how I felt about us

I really miss the old us, the old you, our moments, our quality time together

I miss you

Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Setahun kemarin

2010-11-29T23:45:00.002+07:00

Judulnya menyesatkan hati :p

Bukan juga karena baru denger lagunya kahitna yg setahun kemarin juga :p

Setahun yang lalu bangkit dengan segala daya dan upaya yang ada mencoba menyelesaikan tugas akhir

Huff

Tugas akhir akhirnya selesai sebelum waktu wisuda :p

23 desember 2009 hari sidang akhir :p

Sidang akhir yang sangat mendebarkan jantung

Xixixixi

Lega sampai akhirnya tugas akhir selesai meski ada revisi disana dan disini

But I finally finish it even some people think I won't finish it on time

But I did it

The same thing will happen on my work situation, although I am still crawl from the very beginning.

I learned to walk when everyone already run and some of them already know how to fly

I believe that my time to fly are soon to come

Its just a matter of time

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Cemrangaddddddddd

Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Lidah tak bertulang

2010-11-29T15:34:00.003+07:00

Pepatah bilang lidah tak bertulang

Wisdom word by dika : lidah memang tak bertulang bukan berarti bisa mengumbar sembarang kata. Mulutmu harimaumu. Apa yang ucapkan mencerminkan karaktermu.

Bukan maksud apa-apa sebenarnya.

Sebenarnya sudah sejak lama agak 'risih' dengan profile salah seorang teman komunitas *identitas wajib disamarkan*

Beliau (karna kebetulan lebih tua beliau dari saya) dan sebetulnya tidak pernah ada masalah yang bisa cukup dijadikan alasan untuk memblokir beliau.

Tapi tadi siang agak sedikit kaget membaca status beliau yang cukup sengit tentang kejadian di sekelilingnya tapi entah mengapa saya melihat beliau lebih memfokuskan ke aksesoris keagamaan *huff*

Saya mencoba berbaik sangka bahwa beliau tidak akan memperpanjang masalah tersebut tapi ternyata setelah saya memposting komen di statusnya ternyata nada sengit itu makin menjadi.

Khawatir menjadi debat kusir yang tak perlu dan terlebih saya tak ingin menambah daftar panjang musuh *ups maksudnya daftar panjang orang2 yang saya lebih suka tak berurusan dengan mereka karena satu dan lain hal*

Jadilah saya report beliau di FB dan kemudian saya remove :)

Maaf ya sebelumnya.

Daripada saya sendiri yang sengit dan jadi debat kusir tidak penting jadi anda saya remove

Afwan :)

Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Nyari Gara-Gara

2010-11-26T12:27:00.005+07:00

To be honest, i am not the kinda people who pissed easily or high temper with somebody behavior but if somebody mess around with me, he/she is messing around with wrong people.

I know this kinda freak people from his freak friend that happen to be my special guy in the past (halah mo bilang dia temennya mantan gw aja ribet)

I know him since 2001 until now but never met him in person, even thought back then he often ask me to meet in person but somehow i always said NO with different excuse

Until a few month before he get married, he get some weird attitude and i personally hate it so i do my own to make him stop doing that weird attitude but that results something : He pissed with me because my word and i am so damn angry with him so i dare him to REMOVE ME from Blackberry Messenger and Face book but somehow i still see him in my Blackberry Messenger.

I knew his marriage will be held in November in his wife hometown and i see him upload in Face book so i write some congratulation word to him (only in the name of friendship that we once have), but after doing some quick observe, i notice that he reply all comments from his friend but not Me. He is just IGNORE my comment.

OK THEN HE ASK FOR IT.

HE DECLARE A WAR WITH ME.

FINE

I take a quick act to REMOVE MY COMMENT and then go straight to HIS PROFILE and then I BLOCK HIM from MY Facebook

I take My Mobile to BLOCK HIM on my BBM

I JUST MAKE A SIMPLE ACT.

WHATS THE USE HE IS still IN MY FRIEND LIST BUT WE BOTH KNOW THAT WE WOULD NEVER SPEAK TO EACH OTHER AGAIN?

IT JUST A TOTAL WASTE

BETTER REMOVE HIM

*MUAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA*

GOOD BYE

Ternyata eh Ternyata

2010-11-23T14:27:00.000+07:00

Life is so full of surprise (damn that word was so damn right)

Today at the office, i received an A+ CV (how come its not an A+, he is a Bachelor Degree graduate from Universitas Diponegoro with Great GPA, an also a Master Degree from Semarang University)

Somehow i feel intimidate by his qualification and i should interview that candidate? *Huaaaaaa screaming to the max*

Who am I? How could people with less experience like me interview an A+ Candidate?

Feel intimidate by him already, so i am asking for my supervisors to interview him but they convince me that i should do the interview.

They convince me to believe in my strength.

If you have that skill just believe in yourself that you can do it.

Don't feel afraid with other people just because they have an A+ skills

Well i took their advice to interview that candidate and you know what.

I came to that interview room with some nerve that i feel in my body but then again life has so many surprise

Before the interview session, i told him to run a computer test and then the interview test.

Before the interview begin he already told me that he had a passive English *eng i eng*

Gedubraxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So much for an A+ CV *ndak menjamin*

I wrote this story with any tendentious just want to share my opinion :P

So Much For Certificate :P

Goodbye Dini

2010-11-14T13:11:00.013+07:00

Memang bener Hadist yang bilang kalau Jodoh, Rezeki, Maut itu ditangan Allah swt.

Tidak ada yang pernah bisa memprediksikan atau menentukan kapan jodoh, rezeki seseorang.

Pertama kali kenal sama dini itu pas gathering FUPEI di Metropolitan Mall itu sekitar tahun 2006 akhir atau tahun 2007

Memang jarang ngobrol panjang lebar di YM atau bahkan ngobrol dari hati ke hati.

Makanya kemarin sekitar bulan Mei 2010 begitu dapat kabar dia didiagnosa LEUKIMIA.

Kaget binti shock banget banget berharap itu adalah kekeliruan diagnosa sang dokter.

Baru tanggal 30 Oktober kemarin menjenguk dini di RSCM, pas dilihat dari ruang kaca dini hanya tersenyum bahkan sempat melambaikan tangan lalu kemudian tertidur kembali

Kaget ketika 14 November 2010 tiba-tiba dapat kabar mengejutkan tentang Dini

Beliau berpulang ke rahmatullah 14 NOVEMBER 2010 jam 10.00 WIB

Dikarenakan hari sabtu dompet tertinggal di laci kantor jadi begitu selesai ujian ke kantor dulu baru ke RSCM jadi ngga bisa lihat saat saat terakhir beliau

SELAMAT JALAN DINIE

Ya Allah, tolong titip sahabatku disana.

Maafkan dika yang ngga bisa lihat saat-saat terakhir dini,

SELAMAT JALAN DINIE

GOODBYE DINIE

Now i know why

2010-11-13T14:05:00.004+07:00

I wrote this story only to express what i feel inside not because i still have the same feeling for that guy

My story and this person is ended long time ago (October 2009 if i am not mistaken)

Its not because i want to bring this whole forbidden topic again but i guess i was wrong back then

I think he was sincere with me but then again i was wrong all along *poor me*

How come someone said all those sweet, lovable, memorable things but he just don't wanna fight for it?

He was the one who told me it was impossible and i had to leave for my own good and now i know why

Now i know whats the reason why he is always push me away?

Why he telling all those sweet stuff but then again he doesn't want to fight for it?

I've still remember what he said to me earlier, he said that marriage is the last thing he would do for now, back then i couldn't do anything about it

Until i received a shocking message from him that said : Sorry, i was married now, i knew what ur felling because be4 if felt that. thanks 4 all that u give be4, n sorry 4 all hurt i make 2 u. Bye Andi.

Whatever the situation now, you still in my heart because i love you, once again thanks for all. bye andi and good luck 4 all in ur life.

What the hell was that?

I remember back then he told me that marriage its his last priority but now its just BULLSHIT

All i can say just congratulation and happy wedding

Now i know the reason why you don't want to make our relationship go any further because i was never mean anything to you. I am only the spare tire and that all i can have.

I GUESS I WAS WRONG ALL ALONG

WELL HAPPY MARRIAGE THEN :)

Wonderful Years

2010-10-07T00:04:00.025+07:00

What a wonderful years

I can't believe that i can survive for years after all that dramatic moment :P

But the journey haven't ended and haven't started yet

If i look back and analyze what happen in the past years between us, well there's a lot unnecessary fight and argue, share a laughter, tear shred, struggle for win a battle, unnecessary drama, happy moments, and much more.

Well all those struggle were paid off when we look at today but we still had to focus on the future because these journey haven't ended yet

These will become long time journey in fact these will become our lifetime journey

Usually i have a lot tons of word to write on these blog but what we're going through years before wasn't be able to write down in here

TODAY WAS OUR FIRST YEAR THAT WE SPENT TOGETHER

TODAY WAS OUR ANNIVERSARY

THANKS FOR BEING SUCH A GREAT PARTNER FOR ME

THANKS A ZILLION TIME FOR STAND STILL IN MY SIDE EVEN WHEN I PUSH YOU AWAY SO MANY TIMES

THANKS A ZILLION TIME FOR UNDERSTANDING ME

THANKS A ZILLION TIME FOR EVERYTHING

LOOKING FORWARD TO THOSE MEMORABLE YEARS AHEAD WITH YOU

ITS GONNA BE FUN AND MEMORABLE.

orat oret

2010-07-22T00:58:00.002+07:00

Something strange happen to me today...

Whole day, my emotion was like a damn roller coaster *doesn't mean exaggerate but that's what i really feel today*

I guess that still shock about that whole friend thing that i thinks it worth to fight for but turn out to be something useless...

Its happen again just like they said history repeated itself...

Disappointed, angry, sad and everything in between were mix

The old scars were suddenly pop out just like a story that had an episode...

Never thought it would happen again and again...

I guess its really my fault because being a wimp and afraid to do something that i should do in the first place...

Being a fool cause think i might found the antidote for this toxic

But then i was wrong again

Well its already happen and there's nothing i can do to fix it...

Won't look back and regret everything

This time i will do what i should do a long time a go..

Good bye..

Take good care yourself dear friend

Its time for me to take care myself, pursue my dream for the future...

:)

conquer the world

2010-07-18T07:10:00.002+07:00

Just like everyone when i was a little girl, i had a dream about how i should live my own life when i get older

As time goes by when grown up, that dream i had was revise a several times

Sometimes my dream was just too good to be true but what do i care, its just a dream

Now after what i am going through lately, i am not sure again about my dream anymore and i don't know whether i still want to make my dream come true

Some of my dream come true and some are still on progress but i still had so much dream in my mind that i want to make it come true in my life

Even though its still a long road to fulfill my dream but i know that i shouldn't give up that easily

Even now i had some bumpy road in my life that need a hard work to make it right but i won't give up that easily

When i look back at the other day, the day i almost give up because i thought i can't continue to fight anymore, that i almost take everything that offering on the table (even thought i now that i deserve more than that) but my other side of me said why don't you give it a try? There's no harm of trying something different

The other side of me said : why should i take those different thing as a good opportunity? Why should i give it a try when i know exactly that's not what i really want?

What does it feel when everyone suggest that you should try those different thing even they know that i don't feel like to enjoy it or even had my soul in there?

What does it feel when everyone told you to do those different thing because they actually care about you and don't want to see you drawn..

Even they know those different thing wasn't your biggest desire, your biggest dream but they told you to do because they simply hate see you drawn

I don't know about it and its so complicated

But how i must living those different thing when i know that i simply don't have any kind of interest on that

I won't give up and let my self drawn

I guess it just some small rock in my live that need to be fix

I will survive because at the end of the day that i will tell everyone : see i told you so :p

cemrangaddddd

Bismillahirohmanirohim

Alone

2010-06-21T01:10:00.011+07:00

Alone and lonely that what i feel right now.

I don't know how and why i felt this right now.

Its feels lonely inside even i could hide it with happy smile on my face but i just can't deny that i still feel lonely.

How stupid am i thinking that i have my best friend in all circumstance.

Hey dude, they have their own life so you better deal with it..

Stop complain and exaggerate about loneliness i feel inside, but i still feel it.

Hopefully this loneliness thought could gone for a while..

*i really really need to clear my mind in some place alone.

Just me, myself, and dika.*

unyil

2010-06-12T21:07:00.006+07:00

unyil?

what will across your mind when heard that?

Not Unyil movie where there unyil, his buddy and pak ogah...

But this unyil is my favorit niece... Ponakan nomor satu uwo dika..

She's was born on 22 July 2009 and i haven't meet her until 12 May 2010..

I've meet her a month ago in my house..

She was so cute, tinny liitle girl, adorable, funny, loveable...

Even only for a month knowing her, i really really like her ...

She was my favorite niece..

Keponakan Favorit Uwo Dika

Even i've only spend time a month with her but that whole month was fantastic thing...

The whole month was so damn good...

Sebulan yang menyenangkan...

Bye unyil... See u again..

who said so?

2010-05-21T22:15:00.006+07:00

Who said that Master Degree doesn't have difficulty applying job?

Who said that Master Degree will have special treatment?

Huyuhhhhhhh

No matter your degree, in Indonesian outsource is everywhere....

Its sucks thought...

You have bargaining power but still can't use it because outsource

People around me said almost said and react the same thing. they said : Loh doesn't master degree easily find the job? easily find the job quickly?

Like Agnes Monica said : Ngomong sama tembok

Based on my experiences : Finding a job it so damn hard...

Even thought i already have the right equipment but still i just can't use it...

wedewwwww

belum saatnya aja kali ya

obsesi

2010-04-01T21:30:00.004+07:00

obsesi terkadang disalahartikan sebagai ambisius...

Apa salahnya dengan ambisi?

Apa salahnya dengan obsesi?

Obsesi jika diarahkan dengan sasaran dan tujuan yang tepat, obsesi bisa dijadikan pemacu semangat untuk meraih segala mimpi yang ingin diraih.

Tetapi obsesi jika dilakukan dengan cara yang berlebihan semata akan berakhir dengan usaha mewujudkan obsesi dengan segala cara...

Obsesi?

Aku tak takut dengan cap obsesi atau ambisius hanya karena ingin mewujudkan semua mimpi dan harapanku..

Kalo ternyata hal itu bisa kujadikan sebagai pemacu semangat untuk berkreasi, bekerja keras...

Bermimpi?

Apa salahnya dengan bermimpi?

Bahkan hingga hari ini dan detik ini, tak ada satu undang undang yang tak memperbolehkan seseorang untuk bermimpi..

Bermimpilah sejauh dan setinggi yang kau mau dan berusahalah sekuat tenaga meraih kemudian mewujudkan mimpimu...

so terobsesi? Who cares...

The only thing i care is do the best thing i can do to make those dream come true in real life...

Bismillah

aku adalah aku

2010-03-24T20:30:00.006+07:00

Aku adalah aku

Aku bukan dia yang mampu menepiskan mimpi dan hasratku untuk secercah senyum, pemakluman, persetujuan untuk jalani hidup sesuai dengan rencana yang diaturnya

Aku bukan dia yang mampu menepis ego dan mauku demi mendapatkan support menyejukkan dari dirinya...

Aku adalah aku

kusadar aku adalah mahluk yang teramat sangat keras kepala

Aku adalah mahluk yang tak ingin menepiskan mimpi dan hasratku

Aku adalah mahluk yang berusaha sekuat daya dan tenaga upaya dengan keringat bercucuran demi sedikit support menyejukkan darinya

Meski dalam bawah sadarku, betapa kuatnya inginku hanya untuk sekali saja mendapatkan support menyejukkan, secercah senyum, sedikit pemakluman, sedikit persetujuan darinya atas semua pilihanku.

Entah apa jadinya konsekuensi dari jalan setapak yang kupilih tapi baik buruk konsekuensinya akan kutanggung sendiri...

Jika untuk mendapatkan semua itu aku harus menepiskan mimpi dan hasratku untuk menempuh jalan setapak yang tak kuinginkan, aku lebih rela tak mendapatkan semua itu daripada ku melepas mimpi dan hasratku menempuh jalan setapak yang kuinginkan.

Maafkan aku karena aku bukan dia

Aku bukan dia dan Aku tak akan pernah menjadi seperti dia

Maafkan aku karena keras kepala tak ingin menempuh jalan setapak yang dikau inginkan karena aku adalah aku

Aku bukan dia yang dengan mudah mengesampingkan semua mimpi, hasrat, impian, cita-cita

Aku bukan boneka karena aku adalah aku

The Graduation Day

2010-03-14T01:18:00.004+07:00

Alhamdulillah

Today was my graduation day a.k.a WISUDA

Never been excited like this before even thought this was my second graduation time....

Terbayar sudah kerja keras selama kurang lebih 3 tahun 1 bulan ini....

Kuliah sore masuk jam 7 sore pulang malam sangad, begadang ngerjain tugas2 seabreg, belum lagi kalo ada seminar-seminar, and the most hardest part of it was finishing my thesis...

Belum lagi di sela-sela itu semua, melaksanakan tugas negara, tutor statistik dengan murid-murid yang ajaib, menyenangkan, loveable, cheerfull...

Well i am glad that all those hardwork already paid off for today.

Even it will be so much happier, memorable things when my dad could come to my graduation day.

Still happy because of today even my dad couldn't come because he got finish his work there.

Bismillahirohmanirrohim...

Setelah ini masih banyak lagi yang harus dicapai dan dikejar

Tetap semrangaddddddddddddd

almost make a mistake

2010-03-05T20:19:00.005+07:00

everyone made a mistake <-- ya iyalah nobody's perfect

well i almost made a big mistake that i might regret in the future

i almost made that precious person in my life walk away because of my stupidity

luckily the problem has been solved and everything when back to normal again

i am sorry for that chaos thing before...

let start from the start all over again..

Just you and me

-aku sayang opa-

Choices

2010-02-27T12:57:00.006+07:00

Life is all about choices

sometimes we have to choose and make a decision about something that we hate the most but we should do it no matter what.

Life is all about choice and choose which direction we will go.

The choice is like two side of coin so there are good side and bad side.

The good side and the bad side its the effect for whatever decision we will take.

No matter whatever the decision that we take, there will be a consequence that we need to face it.

Don't blame the decision or the choice that we have to take, just consider it as a learning process that will always continue for the rest of our life

Can't say that nobody get hurt for the decision that we make but still we have to deal with it..

If somebody get hurt by our decision and really piss with us, we just can't blame that person for piss or angry or mad with us.

It's only a matter of time, that person will figure out someday that the decision was the best thing for both side

When its never mean to be for the first place, no matter how hard we try to make it work, sooner or later time will show us that was never mean to be.

Sorry for hurting you and zillion thanks for all the sacrifice you done to me.

No body ever love me that much like the way you do.

It's not that i don't love you anymore.

I still love you and will always love you.

Each moment that we spent together, I'll keep that memory in my heart and cherish it forever.

It's not that my feeling for you are change or gone but if i have to choose between you and my parent, i am really sorry to said that i had to choose them.

It's not that i stop loving you, it's just me being realistic that this love are supposed to end because i realize i can't have a relationship without their support.

I am sorry for leaving you behind like this.

I am sorry for choose to leaving you like this.

I wish i had a better option and then i will choose it.

Sorry for leaving you like this although i already promise not leave you behind.

I am sorry for everything i done.

I am sure that now you wish that you never meet me in the first place rather than meet me and now hurt by me.

If you asked me whats wrong with you?

My answer would be : There's nothing wrong about us. Hate that i am the bad guy now whose trying to make you leave me.

If i insist of keeping you with me, I'll be more guilty because i can't make our dream happen because them come in the way

Please forgive me and zillion thanks for everything

I know that you might hate me because of this but i really hope that you understand why i make this kinda decision

I am so sorry for leaving you.

I am sorry

I am really really sorry

-Good Bye-

Menunggu wisuda

2010-02-17T13:04:00.004+07:00

Setelah lulus ternyata masih panjang perjuangan untuk dapatin satu lembar pengukuhan itu hiks

Begitu juga sama wisuda dan ngurus segala kelengkapan administrasinya.. huyuh

huhuhu

Wisuda tinggal menghitung hari, segala kelengkapan administrasi kudu diurus sampai beres hingga akhirnya hari wisuda tiba...

Selanjutnya berusaha mewujudkan segala mimpi yang belum terwujud.

Bismillah.....

hmfttttttttttttttttttt

2010-02-09T10:08:00.004+07:00

Kulihat taman bunga yang terbentang luas dihadapan

Berbagai macam bunga hadir disana menambah semerbak harumnya taman

Tak hanya bunga tapi ada juga kupu-kupu, kumbang, lebah dan kawan-kawan

Padang bunga yang terhampar dihadapan tapi mengapa yang terlihat adalah padang pasir yang tak berujung, bahkan kupu-kupu, lebah, kumbang, dan kawan-kawannya pun segan untuk sekadar bersantai disana

Oase yang tampak dari kejauhan yang seakan mampu mengatasi kekeringan di padang pasir kemudian berubah menjadi sekumpulan fatamorgana yang teramat menyakitkan

Berlari kesana kemari seolah ingin membuktikan bahwa ada segerombolan pengembara yang kebetulan melintas di padang pasir

Ketika melihat segerombolan pengembara dari kejauhan, tetapi ketika semakin dekat semakin nyata bahwa itu hanyalah pantulan dari bayangan yang tak nyata

Padang bunga yang terhampar dihadapan tetapi mengapa padang pasir yang terlihat dimata

Apakah fatamorgana ataukah ilusi sesaat?

Ketika akhirnya bertemu segerombolan pengembara dan mengajukan pertanyaan apakah ini padang bunga ataukah padang pasir?

Gerombolan pengembara berkata maafkan kami karena apa yang sebenarnya terhampar di hadapan kisanak adalah padang pasir tak berujung

Sungguh jauh perjalanan yang harus kisanak tempuh untuk mencapai padang bunga

Tetapi bila kisanak telah sampai disana, perjuangan panjangmu untuk mencapai padang bunga menjadi sangat manis

Oase yang kisanak liat dari kejauhan itu hanyalah ilusi dan fatamorgana

Maafkan kami kisanak jika jawaban yang diberikan membuat kisanak nelangsa tapi kami hanya ingin agar kisanak berjuang lebih dan lebih giat lagi

Kisanak hanya menghela nafas dan berkata : berapa lamakah perjalanan ke padang bunga?

Apa yang nanti akan kutemui sepanjang perjalanan?

Rintangan apa yang akan menghadang selama perjalanan menuju padang bunga?

Apa yang akan kutemui nanti di padang bunga?

Apakah aku akan menemui fatamorgana dan ilusi sepanjang perjalanan?

Apakah perjuangan menuju padang bunga sepadan dengan hasil akhir yang kelak kudapat?

Sang pengembara hanya berkata : maafkan kami kisanak, karena pertanyaan kisanak tidak dapat kami jawab...

Kisanak sendiri yang harus menjalaninya dan kisanak sendiri yang kelak akan memetik buah perjuangan kisanak...

Selamat berjuang kisanak....

Semoga beruntung....

Gerombolan pengembara kemudian pergi meninggalkan kisanak yang harus menempuh perjalanan panjang menuju padang bunga....

Entah apa yang akan terjadi nantinya...

Kisanak bertekad bulat akan berjuang sekuat tenaga demi hasil akhir...

Apapun hasil akhirnya, aku yakin bahwa semua sudah tersurat untukku *batin kisanak*

Lost

2010-02-09T10:06:00.003+07:00

Lost....

Lost in some place that couldn't found it on the map....

Suddenly get stuck in some familiar old habit....

Gosh....

Never thought this disease would come back...

Why is that disturbing disease come back without giving announcement first?

Why that disease suddenly pop up out of nowhere?

What happen?

Why that disease back again?

Why?

What i should do with that disturbing disease?

Gosh....

Don't like being the bad person and criminal stuff but why that disease has to come back right now when i thought that disturbing disease will never ever come back....

I've heard and acknowledge that honesty are the right thing to do even that will be painful enough....

What should i do with that annoying disease.....

Ya Allah, please give me the sign, the clue, the answer for this...

Apapun yang akan terjadi (entah itu pahit, asam, manis, buruk, asin, pedas), insya allah aku akan siap menanggung konsekuensinya....

Bismillah

Broken Hearted

2010-02-08T15:01:00.007+07:00

Artist : Beyonce

Lirik Lagu : Beyonce - Broken-Hearted Girl Lyrics

Beyonce - Broken-Hearted Girl Lyrics

You're everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could have been
But still, you live inside of me, so tell me how is that?
You're the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you're the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
'Cause I can't erase
The times that you hurt me and put tears on my face
And even now, while I hate you, it pains me to say
I know I'll be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you, babe
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna take a breath without you, babe
I don't wanna play that part
I know that I love you, but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kind of way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl

There's something that I feel I need to say
But up til' now I've always been afraid that you would never come around
And still I wanna put this out

You say you've got the most respect for me
But, sometimes I feel you're not deserving of me
And still, you're in my heart
But you're the only one
And yes, there are times when I hate you, but I don't complain
'Cause I've been afraid that you would walk away
Oh, but now I don't hate you
I'm happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you, babe
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna take a breath without you, babe
I don't wanna play that part
I know that I love you, but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kind of way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl

Now I'm at a place I thought I'd never be, ooh
I'm living in a world that's all about you and me, yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid, my broken heart is free to spread my wings and fly away, away with you....

I don't wanna be without my baby
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna take a breath without my baby
I don't wanna play that part
I know that I love you, but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kind of way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Akhir-akhir ini jadi sering banget dengerin lagu ini... *ngga ngerti juga kenapa bisa begitu*

I love this song a lot, seolah segala curahan dan jeritan hati yang selama ini tersembunyi perlahan terkuak ke permukaan *bahasanya makin serem*

Penyakit lama yang dah ngga pernah kambuh tapi sekarang mendadak kambuh *ngga ngerti juga kenapa malah kambuh sekarang*

Entah kenapa dan mengapa harus kambuh kembali...

Right now, there's nothing i can do to make this thing go away...

I hate this kinda feeling and why its keep coming back *hmfftttttttt*

I am very grateful for everything that happen in my life lately but somehow deep down inside of me there's something missing, sadly i just can't figure it out yet....

Ya Allah, Please give me the answer that I've been dying to search for...

Apapun jawabannya, petunjuk dan pertandanya, ka yakin kalo itu semua adalah yang terbaik buat dika

Manusia boleh berencana tetapi hasil akhir ada ditangan Allah swt

Apapun yang terjadi, ka harus siap dengan segala konsekuensinya

Bismillah

complicated

2010-01-15T12:41:00.006+07:00

Complicated may refers to anything but mostly it show something wrong that need to be taken care so everything would turn normal again

Complicated may turn out to be a sign there something unusual happen that needs to be fixed

But what should i fixed if i didn't know whats wrong that need to fixed?

Everything seems to be normal and perfect in every little detail but deep down i know that something missing even i don't know whats missing

Gosh, i hate this kinda situation...

I am grateful and thankful for everything i had in my life right now, but i just can't ignore the fact that there's something missing in my life

What should i do?

Ya Allah, Please give all the clue and the answer that I've been searching for..

Everything happen for a reason weather its good or bad, i am ready for the consequence...

An adult must and should take full responsibility for his/her own life......

Whatever happen for the decision that I'll take, i am willing to take the consequence..

Bismillah

L.U.L.U.S

2009-12-30T12:23:00.002+07:00

Alhamdulillah

Akhirnya penantian selama 3 tahun satu bulan selesai sudah.....

Perjuangan menyelesaikan tesis kelar sudah.....

Sudah selesai tesis diperjuangkan di depan dosen pembimbing dan penguji hohohoho

Tapi perjuangan belum selesai karena harus menyelesaikan revisi hingga akhirnya surat lulus, ijazah dan transkrip nilai keluar sudah....

Sembari menunggu wisuda mencari pekerjaan.....

Siap meraih mimpi-mimpi yang lain...

Alhamdulillah :)

Alhamdulillah

2009-12-15T20:53:00.003+07:00

Alhamdulillah

Tahun ini bertambah banyak karunia dan anugerah yang kuterima...

Sedikit lagi semua mimpi,cita-cita dan harapanku akan segera terwujud di kehidupanku....

Tugas akhir selesai sudah tinggal menunggu jadwal sidang (bikin dag dig duer ajah hiks)

Sudah saatnya mencari kerja impianku dan bertarung dibelantara kehidupan...

Insya allah semester ini, terakhir kali tutor statistik (agak puyeng juga sama statistik dan spss). Sudah saatnya tugas ini di regenerasi karena memang seharusnya demikian...

Beribu terimakasih rasanya tak cukup kuhaturkan kepada dosen-dosen yang selama ini bekerja sama denganku... Semoga bisa bekerja sama di lain waktu...

Tak lupa juga mengucapkan terimakasih kepada partner2 asdos yang lain... Thanks guys...

Untuk semua mahasiswa dan mahasiswi yang pernah ikut kelasku, terima kasih dan mohon maaf jika ada kata-kata, perbuatan yang salah..

*kenapa jadi kayak ngucap perpisahan yach*

Big thanks buat papa, mama dan dimas buat doa dan dukungannya...

Zillion thanks buat jerapah...

Thanks for all the support, kindness...

Pokoknya thanks for everything

Finally

2009-12-04T14:49:00.003+07:00

Finally kelar jugaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

perjuangan untuk menyelesaikan yang tertunda dan meraih cita-cita dan impian yang ingin kuraih..

Meskipun belum full 100% kelar dikarenakan masih menunggu jadwal sidang *hiyahhh deg2an aja gitu dari sekarang*

terus belum lagi kalo nanti ada revisi2... huhuhuhu

Kalo diingat awal mula perjuangannya dimulai *sama sekali ngga menyangka akhirnya bakalan selesai juga*

November 2006 until now...

Dari sidang proposal terakhir bulan april 2009 sampai akhirnya sempat terlupakan untuk menyelesaikan sampai akhirnya begitu mulai mencoba menyelesaikan semuanya *feel amazed when realized it only take 1,5 month to finished the whole detail*

Sekarang berharap-harap cemas menunggu sidang akhir *huhuhu*

Dear mom and Dad, Wish me luck yach *semoga tak ada aral melintang pada saat sebelum sidang, sidang dan sesudah sidang*

Jerapah, thanks ya dah nemenin konsultasi dan ngasih semangad :P

Aminnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

new places

2009-11-23T15:01:00.001+07:00

new places offer new hope, new dream, new wish, new neighbor, new job desk, new target, new deadline...

Hopelessly stuck in some new old places with the same old routine duty...

That old routine duty are no longer impress me, my enthusiasm left before i realize, don't have the passion to complete the mission, really want the contract over soon (ASAP)..

But still i had to finish this main job so i can fly my wings to some new places for some new adventure....

Hopefully before the end of year, this whole main job finish (no more bored and stupiudud revisi again)

Bismillah :)

Good Bye

2009-11-23T14:48:00.002+07:00

setiap pertemuan pasti ada perpisahan....

Setiap perjumpaan cepat atau lambat akan menemui gerbang perpisahan...

perpisahan dalam segala bentuk sejatinya tak akan membawa rasa bahagia tetapi kehidupan harus terus berjalan ....

Perpisahan bukan alasan untuk menghabiskan waktu yang kita punya dengan bersedih...

Perpisahan tidak boleh dijadikan alasan keterpurukan semangat dalam menjalani hidup....

Perpisahan sejatinya akan melahirkan perjumpaan kembali di waktu yang akan datang tanpa bisa kita prediksi...

Yang bisa kita lakukan hanyalah menjalani hidup sebaik mungkin seperti biasanya....

Perpisahan tak ubahnya bak dua sisi mata koin yang saling bertentangan...

Perpisahan bisa jadi membawa kebaikan bagi satu pihak atau bisa jadi kebaikan bagi kedua belah pihak...

No matter what the show must go on...

Farewell my dear friend...

Wish u all the very best...

i am very glad to be your partner for the last two semester...

you are more than a work partner, bestfriend, bul bul partner, partner in crime ...

wish u all the very very very best....

Keep up the good work friend...

Pssstttt : i need bul bul :p

Dedicated for mbah neng omesh :p

Bye Tutor

2009-11-20T11:52:00.004+07:00

Gosh, all the sudden this tutor thing looks not interesting anymore...

Maybe this what people call stuck in the middle of the desert

I know that this tutor job no longer fun because every morning I wake up to face the day, there is no longer enthusiasm or passion to teach anymore…

Suddenly this tutor job make me feels tortured….

I don’t feel the excitement to make this tutor job….

All I want to do just to scream out loud because of small things when every got damn thing doesn’t work out as I plan

Gosh now I really really want this semester to end faster than ever…

Now I want to concentrate on my thesis and planning my own future..

Bye Tutor…

Thanks for being such a great job after almost NINE YEARS and this time has to be the last time…

I really need to have my own future…

Sadly to say because Tutor is not my passion anymore

Pencerahan

2009-11-20T11:14:00.001+07:00

pencerahan bisa didapatkan dari siapapun tanpa terkecuali....

Seperti yang kualami pada pagi ini....

Menjalani rutinitas pagi karena jadwal pagi hohohoho

Kemudian ketika terjadi percakapan singkat antara aku dan dosen LB...

Banyak pencerahan yang kudapatkan darinya pagi ini...

Salah satunya adalah :
1.disaat masih muda alangkah baiknya mengejar cita-cita dan karier terlebih dahulu ketimbang memutuskan untuk mengajar (kecuali jika memang mengajar adalah panggilan jiwa dan tanpa paksaan)

2. Perbanyaklah ilmu selagi muda

3. Jangan terpaku disatu tempat jika kita bisa mengembangkan potensi yang maksimal di tempat lain maka kita harus berani mengambil keputusan tersebut demi masa depan cerah, gemilang....

Well thats it, pencerahan yang kudapatkan pagi ini...

Thanks pak....

I bet that you don't know today your wisdom word make me feel that this decision is the best for me...

Thanks

wow

2009-11-13T11:01:00.000+07:00

owwwwww

never felt like this before...

Aneh, ajaib, indah, menyenangkan.....

jika harus dideskripsikan dengan kata kata sepertinya hanya unbelieveable journey....

Halah virus mellow mellow nampaknya betah sekali hadir dalam kehidupanku...

Feel nervous, virus ceroboh yg kumat terus, don't have the guts to look in the eye, mendadak sangat pendiam, hampir (selalu) habis topik pembicaraan, mendadak keringatan di ruang super dingin, jantung mendadak centil ingin meloncat keluar, feel the butterfly effects on my stomach, mendadak hawa panas di sekujur badan, never get bored spending time, waktu seakan cepat berlalu tak terasa, talking for hours seolah menjadi menu penutup hari, having a silly conversation simply make your day beautiful, share the voice of happiness & laughter & saddness, just see the picture could make u smile whole day long and so much more to be tell :)

Wow... Amazingly

Hope it will last......

Edunnnnnnnnn rasanya....

Addicted.....

Ajibbbbbb :)

Happy life

2009-11-09T23:19:00.004+07:00

Happy life? <- how to describe it on word for showing a thankful for having a happy and blissful life..

I already have my own happy and blessful life...

I have hundred best friends, family (mom, dad, bilul), Keluarga besar papa dan Mama, and HIM...

I had HIM in my colorful life and i could never ask for more..

I don't wanna mess anything and trade him for anyone or anything..

TIba-tiba teringat satu lagu : Sasha - Owner of my heart

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sasha - Owner of My Heart

If you think I've let you down
Tried to fool you
There's no need to
If you think I've played around
Why'd you worry
You should know me
I've been true right from the start
You're the owner of my heart

If you look straight in my eyes
You will know I'm not pretending
I don't hide, there's no disguise
Why you doubt me, that's a strange thing
I've been true right from the start
You're the owner of my heart

I can't stand by watching you walk away
Knowing you still belong with me
Close by my side
You think I don't care
But forever, I swear
Ooh, my love has grown stronger
And that I can't hide
I've been true right from the start
You're the owner of my heart

Ooh.......

I've been true right from the start
You're the owner of my heart

Oh, oh, no one can tell me
Cause I know for sure
When I'm not with you, baby
I'm wasting my time
I'll do anything that you want me to do
Ooh, just call out my name
Can't she give me a sign
Give me a sign, oh, oh

If you just give me some time (some time)
To convince you
We can pull through (we can pull through)
Let me see what's on your mind (on your mind)
I won't change you, I don't have to
I've been true right from the start (oh. oh, oh)
You're the owner of my heart
I've been true right from the start
You're the owner of my heart
I've been true right from the start
You're the owner of my heart
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ya Allah tolong jauhkan segala sesuatu yang bisa merusak happy life...

I don't wanna screw anything or ruin everything what we had...

Please let me have my own happy life...

Amin

Back off will you?

2009-11-09T23:00:00.004+07:00

Back off will you?

Just back off from my life for good

You are the one who told me it was impossible and i had to leave for my own good...

I had my own happy life and i don't want you or anyone came in and ruin everything in my life...

Can u just back off from my life..

I already leave and now i had my own happy life...

why don't you just except the fact its over between us?

I can't denied the fact that we become best friend from 2003 but right now i don't want to be your friend anymore..

Enough is enough

Please go and enjoy my life

Don't come in to my life again and ruin everything...

Just go

Back off

Rule

2009-11-09T22:50:00.002+07:00

Rules are mean to be broken *terdengar seperti lirik lagu jadul*

Peraturan dibuat untuk membuat semua pihak yang terlibat didalamnya merasa nyaman agar tidak terjadi kesalahpahaman atau salah satu pihak menzalimi pihak lainnya *bahasanya agak berat*

Peraturan terkadang menjadi senjata mematikan bagi semua pihak.

Pembuat peraturan membuat aturan yang detail dan terperinci untuk kenyamanannya dan agak sedikit melupakan bahwa orang lain pun menginginkan hal yang sama

Sedangkan bagi orang lain yang harus menaati peraturan yang telah dibuat, terkadang ada saatnya dimana dia tak ingin mengikuti peraturan konyol tapi tak bisa berbuat apapun...

Sometimes we had our one silly rule for our life but somehow that rules only work for us because for other people, its just another stupid silly rule....

Stupid silly rule are mean to be broken? is it true?

Can we declare our stupid silly rule as our rule of life?

The way we live our lifes are determine by our stupid silly rule & <-- makin ngaco kayaknya

Bisakah our stupid silly rules dijalankan untuk orang lain?

-tulisan ngaco-

zillion thanks

2009-11-08T12:29:00.000+07:00

a zillion thanks might not enough to describe exactly what i am feeling right now...

All the happiness, the excitement, adventure we've been through

Maybe shouldn't mention about it since its too early to summarize everything...

i can handle everything because there something i can hold on to...

Thanks for always have faith on me....

Thanks for being a shoulder to cry on

Thanks for always be there for me...

Thanks for listen my story...

Thanks for everything...

Zillion thanks...

07.10.2009 - 07.11.2009

its mine not ours

2009-10-29T10:19:00.001+07:00

Surrounded by people who loved and care so much about your life its a blessed

Sometimes that blessing become disaster when they insist their opinion to be execute in our life that become a major disaster....

they said : u should done this! this is the right thing to do! bla bla bla bla

gosh...

Why is it anyone feels that he/she has the kinda right to tell you all the details you had to be done in your life?!

Why don't they just mind their own business instead telling me what to do in my own life!

This is my life so please let me choose my own decision!

If my decision was wrong and had a big impact on my life let it be, at least i know it from my own experience not based on other people experience

hadohhhhhhh

Please try to understand this is my life so let me handle it with my own way

hmfttttt

Konsistensi

2009-10-29T09:50:00.001+07:00

Konsistensi adalah teguh memegang janji dan perkataan yang diucapkan dengan lantang dan penuh keyakinan

Konsistensi seolah menjadi barang langka yang jarang ditemukan ketika dengan indahnya mengumbar sejuta kata mutiara

Konsistensi bisa menjadi pembuktian dari sejumlah kata mutiara yang meluncur dengan deras.

Konsistensi seolah properti termahal yang hanya bisa diraih dalam mimpi dan angan belaka.

Jika mimpi dan janji susah untuk dicapai maka mungkin akan lebih bijaksana menyimpannya dalam hati sehingga bila semua belum terlaksana masih sanggup untuk mengajukan sejumlah pembelaan

Konsisten oh konsisten dimanakah engkau berada?

Konsisten, mengapakah engkau sulit untuk kutemui?

hmfffffffttttt

Sinergi

2009-10-24T19:33:00.002+07:00

Sinergi adalah bentuk kerja sama yang saling melengkapi dan memback up kekurangan dan kelebihan masing masing....

Sinergi adalah salah satu kerja sama yang ditempuh dengan memaksimalkan potensi yang dimiliki oleh kedua belah pihak untuk mencapai performance yang maksimal

Sinergi tak ubahnya bagaikan simbiosis mutualisme bukannya kerjasama yang saling merugikan atau bahkan menjatuhkan satu sama lain dengan berbagai intrik tak jelas

Sinergi hendaknya disikapi dengan bijaksana bahwa tak selamanya bisa bertahan...

Regenerasi akan tetap berjalan meski mencoba menahan dengan berbagai cara untuk menghalau itu...

Tak pernah bermaksud mengintimidasi atau menunjukkan taring kekuasaan tapi mengapa pada akhirnya menjadi korban intimidasi *hadohhhhhhhhhh*

sinergi hendaknya disikapi dengan bijaksana dan arif bahwa seharusnya bahu membahu demi mencapai tujuan yang sama tak harus dicampuradukkan dengan berusaha menjatuhkan satu dan lainnya...

Jika kerja sama dipenuhi intrik dengan saling menjatuhkan dengan cara yang tidak lazim bukankah akan jauh lebih baik jika tidak usah bekerja sama saja?

haduhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

kalo kayak gini caranya mending gak usah kerja sama...

kerja sama tapi berasa gak dipercaya sama sekali..

pokoknya sepakat ini yang terakhir aja :)

capek

Fall in love

2009-10-20T11:38:00.011+07:00

Fall in love...

Every people in this whole universe might have experience about that....

Fall in love is the greatest feeling that we ever felt....

Can't wait another day to pass by just to see him in personal....

Spending whole day with him might not be enough....

Talking with him on the phone for hours might simply cheer up the day...

Just see his picture on the computer might turn your heart upside down...

Not see him in a month or more might be a hard punishment that you'll ever receive

No wonder ada pepatah Jatuh cinta berjuta rasanya.... <-- jadul sangat hihihi

Well some people would said that : just enjoy that feeling right now and wait for a couple month or years then you'll figure it out... *hiyah kenapa begitu coba*

Pokoknya saat ini menikmati apa yang ada dan berusaha mempertahankan semua itu sekuat tenaga, semampu yang aku bisa..

Thanks for everything........

- aku sayang opa -

07.10.2009

Thank You

2009-10-16T22:55:00.007+07:00

A thousand thank you could never enough to tell you exactly what i really felt inside...

Even thought i never show any kind of expression when we are spending our time together, its just because i am too damn scare awake from a dream *well until today still can't believe that we are in a relationship despite all the things i have done to you but you are still there*

*blank for a moment*

Might be feel that i had a doubt about what happen right now but one thing for sure i never had a doubt what happen right now

I've been on my own for hundred years so right now still adjust this whole new changes that happen in my life..

i can't give a promise to what ever will happen in the future because we will never know what happen in the future

I am not trying to make some stupid excuse for my stupid act lately but all i wanna say is i am happy spending my time with you

I feel comfortable spending time with you....

Talking for hours with you are so much fun even thought sometimes we run out of topic but thats ok..

My heart beat fast when you are arounds...

Feels like a teenager who experience fall in love for the very first time...

My face blushing more like tomatoes when you make that silly smile *deg2an tau*

To make it more worst, virus cerobohku kambuh disaat yang tidak tepat *hiyaaaaaaa*

Pokoknya i lup u full

-aku sayang opa-

Maaf

2009-10-15T23:09:00.002+07:00

Hanya sepenggal kata itu yang bisa terluncur dariku.....

Tak bermaksud mengeluarkan kata kata yang menyakitkan, tak bermaksud untuk menyudutkan dengan segala interpretasi apapun yang muncul...

I really have fun when spending time with you, talk about everything and never ever get bored *entah ya kalo kamu juga gitu*

I like it when you hold my hand and then you put it on your waist *meski kadang suka ditarik mulu seh sama aku abis aku malu diliatin orang banyak...

I like it when you look at my faces even though make my face looks like tomatoes *bikin tambah deg2an*

Pokoknya with you i can face anything *hiya lagi gak gombalisasi*

Maaf kalo aku jadi punya pikiran yang aneh-aneh sama kamu...

Maaf kalo aku jadi negative thinking sama kamu....

Sebenarnya mau bilang pun takut tapi gak bilang berasa gak enak aja hatinya...

Aku lega dah bilang semuanya meskipun nantinya itu akan merubah pandangan kamu sama aku..

Maafin aku yach...

*aku sayang opa*

Shock

2009-10-13T23:37:00.000+07:00

perubahan terkadang seperti pisau bermata dua yang bisa memberikan kebaikan sekaligus membawa keburukan

terkadang perubahan yang terlalu amat sangat drastis terkadang teramat sangat mengejutkan dan mampu memunculkan sejuta pertanyaan yang tak mampu dijawab dan dicerna oleh akal sehat..

Perubahan terjadi seiring dengan berjalannya waktu..

Waktu seolah menjadi kambing hitam yang selalu pasrah setiap kali seseorang menudingkan jari ke arahnya.

Waktu seolah menjadi terdakwa atas kesalahan yang sama sekali tak pernah dilakukannya...

Waktu seolah menjadi sang pesakitan yang siap masuk ruang operasi karena penyakit menahunnya...

Waktu seolah menjadi biang keladi jika semua perubahan yang terjadi terasa ganjil di hadapan mata, terasa begitu menyakitkan untuk dirasakan, terlalu silau untuk dilihat, terlalu rumit untuk dicerna....

Tapi salahkah jika akhirnya kembali melimpahkan semua itu kepada waktu jika hati dan pikiran tak sanggup untuk mencerna apa yang sedang terjadi?

Begitu mudahnya mempermainkan apa yang selama ini begitu lantang diucapkan tapi begitu mudahnya mengubah semua yang diyakini menjadi seonggok tumpukan sampah tak berarti...

Jika memang demikian masihkah berani mengucapkan kata kata keramat yang sudah teramat sangat diproklamirkan di hadapan khalayak ramai jika sesungguhnya sama sekali tak mengetahui apa makna dari kata keramat yang selama ini diucapkan???????

Jika memang tak mengerti esensi dari kata keramat yang diucapkan mengapa dengan semangat 45 mengucapkan dengan lantang kata keramat itu seperti membaca naskah proklamasi????

Tak sadarkah bahwa kata keramat yang dulu kau ucapkan dengan lantang itu menjadi tak bermakna di hadapanku akibat ketidakpahamanmu tentang kata keramat itu...

Dengan jujur aku mengakui bahwa aku memang mahluk yang tak sempurna tak lepas dari segala khilaf dan salah tapi setidaknya aku mengetahui apa esensi dari kalimat keramat yang kerap kali kau agungkan itu karenanya aku tak akan mungkin merusak makna dari kata keramat itu dengan perlakuan ajaib itu...

Sungguh kali ini aku kecewa dan tak sanggup mengekspresikan segala bentuk kemarahan, kesedihan, kekecewaan yang ada yang selama ini terpendam akibat peristiwa ajaib itu

Kecewa teramat sangat dan terluka kembali...

Mungkinkah selama ini aku yang salah mengartikan arti kata keramat yang kerap kali kau agungkan itu?

Tak cukupkah persahabatan selama jutaan tahun yang selama ini terjalin sehingga kau tak lagi sudi membaginya denganku?

Tak ada artinya kah selama ini jalinan persahabatan jika akhirnya seperti ini?

Meski teramat sangat bingung atas apa yang terjadi dan sejuta tanya yang mampir di benakku tapi kali ini sungguh kecewa teramat sangat untuk yang kesekian kalinya...

Memang bener waktu bisa membuat orang berubah tapi mengapa perubahan yang terjadi ini terlalu teramat sangat drastis dan tak sanggup di hadapi dengan tenang?

Jika memang benar ini adalah jalan yang akhirnya akan kau tempuh silahkan kembali meneruskan perjalanan yang tertunda....

Tak perlu merasa bersalah padaku atas segala yang telah terjadi karena sebenarnya aku yang bersalah mengira semuanya tak akan pernah berubah...

Tak perlu merasa kehilanganku sebagai sahabat karena sesungguhnya aku tak pernah pergi ataupun menghilang di hutan belantara kehidupan...

*masih speechless dan mencoba mencerna apa yang sesungguhnya terjadi....

selamat jalan sahabatku yang dulu dan selamat datang pribadimu yang baru :)

doakan semoga aku mampu memahami dirimu yang baru dengan segala keterbatasan dan kekuranganku...

good luck for the new you & ur new life

wroted by :

teman yang sedang tersesat :)

brand new journey

2009-10-13T11:26:00.000+07:00

Dengan membaca basmalah, menguatkan niat untuk mencoba mengarungi sepenuh hati dan raga....

Honestly never though that the time has come for me to experience this whole new journey which by the way i felt already too late based on my age *hohoho*

Even though it feel so fast for this whole new journey things but somehow when i asked to myself and the answer still the same : isn't it this is what you really really want after all this years? so what are you waiting? go get yourself some happiness...

Well this is it :)

semoga kali ini berjalan tanpa ada rintangan yang berarti *ngga mungkin juga seh gak akan ada rintangan yang akan muncul. mencoba berusaha sekuat tenaga meminimallisir segala rintangan yang akan muncul dihadapan*

Hope this time will bring so much better, minimize the worst thing....

Semoga kali ini bukan fatamorgana atau oase sesaat yang muncul untuk menipu, mengelabui...

Semoga kali ini bukan badai yang datang berkunjung dan mengacaukan segala yang ada..

*mendadak buntu dan lupa apa yang mo ditulis*

-to be continued-

new phase

2009-10-08T17:21:00.000+07:00

I've still remember every detail happen on that day as if like it happen yesterday..

I don't want to live in the darkness anymore because it's killing me...

Even for second it feels so fast but finally i made a decision and hope its the right decision...

Feel comfortable around him

can talk about everything with him *mudah2an aja tahan sama bawelnya dika*

Feels safe when holding hand while walk in the dark even thought he walk so damn fast *xixixixi*

Feel nervous everytime he is around *dan terbukti i dropped my bag in front of him... Huaaa virus cerobohnya keluar disaat yg sangat tidak tepat. Sigh*

people said : the way we laugh was similiar but how come that happen while i laugh cekakakan and he laugh cekikikan *xixixixi*

one thing for sure : both of us can't put a smile when we had to take a foto..

Jiahhhhhhhh

ah sudahlah, aku ingin menikmati saja tanpa harus memikirkan apapun yang membuat pusing kepala...

07.10.2009

This is it

2009-10-07T09:32:00.000+07:00

After hundred of years wasting time and play some foolish game just to prove something to boost my pride...

Well i guess its about time to show something for my own happiness...

Hell about pride and ridiculous reason, this time i want to have and experience my own happiness....

I've been hide in my shell for hundred years and its about time to come and face my own fear, fight my pride, stop follows what my brain said about everything, starts to follows what my hearts said....

i want to have what people used to have..

I want my own normal life even for that i have to experience sadness, anger, fear and all that stuff

This time i want to face it instead of run away and avoid at all cost

bismillah :)

Cemrangadddddddd

This is it

2009-10-07T08:32:00.001+07:00

I've been hide in my shell for hundred years and its about time to come and face my own fear, fight my pride, stop follows what my brain said about everything, starts to follows what my hearts said....

i want to have what people used to have..

I want my own normal life even for that i have to experience sadness, anger, fear and all that stuff

This time i want to face it instead of run away and avoid at all cost

bismillah :)

Cemrangadddddddd

Serba Salah

2009-10-05T00:34:00.006+07:00

Serba salah.... semua jadi kacau balau... huaaaaaa

ah stupid sekali for let this mess happen *haduhhhhhh*

bermula dari niat untuk jadi match maker buat sahabat baik yang berujung jadi total mess *huyahhhhhhh*

let just say i know this guy from another social site and we become friends and long story short finally meet him in personal...

Well, after meet him in personal i started to change my mind about the whole match maker thing *ngga ngerti juga kenapa bisa begitu*

He is funny, charming, easy to talk with, had a great sense of humour and the most important thing : i feel really comfortable with him & enjoy spending time with him *langka sekali ini bisa terjadi di pertemuan pertama*

I've change my mind about the whole match maker things but how to said it to my bestfriend specially i already promise her to introduce him to her

But how can i introduce her to him after that my first meeting with him? *arghhhhh*

Dengan mengumpulkan sedikit keberanian yang tersisa, akhirnya aku memberanikan diri mengatakan padanya bahwa aku batal memperkenalkan sahabatku pada dia dengan mengatakan sejujurnya apa alasannya (for security purpose, alasannya tidak bisa diungkapkan disini :p) *i hate for breaking my own promise but i just can't denied the fact that i like him huhuhu there i said so*

Meski dia berkata it's alright dika.. lagian kan dari awal juga emang cuma mo ngenalin *oke, saya terlalu banyak nonton drama jadi berkhayal yang tidak tidak seperti reaksi dramatis beliau kayak marah-marah, nampar pipi, ngomel2 di depan umum dengan mata melotot xixixixixi*

Agak sedikit lega meski merasa sangat bersalah pada sahabatku tapi tak lama sejurus kemudian dia kembali bertanya tentang reaksi sang pria waktu tahu mau dikenalin sama dia seperti apa and she keeps asking those question which by the way its make me iritate so much *ya iyalah katanya gpp tapi kok masih penasaran nanya reaksi sang pria haduhhhhhhhhhh*

Akhirnya dengan sedikit menahan esmosi di jiwa, dengan menebar senyum penuh makna : ya udah hyuk daripada penasaran mending hari rabu ikut aja ketemu di pim, ntar gw kenalin biar hutang gw lunas gimana?

She said : ngga mungkinlah, gw kan kerja bla bla bla bla bla tapi sejurus kemudian kembali menanyakan hal yang sama *arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

Gimana dunk? huhuhu

Maafin dika karena sudah berbuat kesalahan padahal baru lebaran kemarin maaf maafan huhuhu

Tell me what to do?

Gimana caranya tetap menepati janji tapi membiarkan sahabatku terluka kembali karena kebodohanku?

Haruskah berkata jujur, menyembunyikan kenyataan dan tetap melaksanakan janji meski kemudian akhirnya sahabatku terluka? *arghhhhhhhh*

Ngga ngerti mesti gimana? *huhuhuhu*

Meski dia berkata : ngga dika, aku ngga sakit hati but how should i know when she said all that stuff just to make me calm but she burning inside *haduh*

*ngga mau lagi ach sok sokan jadi match maker, berantakan gini jadinya*

I don't want to lose my best friend because of this...

What should i do?

*weh dah jam setengah dua, tidur aja lah mudah2an nemu solusinya*

cinta itu apa?

2009-10-04T18:21:00.000+07:00

Cinta...

Cinta hanya satu kata yang mampu memporakporandakan dunia seseorang..

Langit dan bumi seakan indah jika seseorang sedang dilanda cinta tapi langit dan bumi seakan menjadi suram jika seseorang sedang patah hati

Cinta hanya satu kata beribu makna yang tak pernah mampu bisa kujabarkan dengan kata kata

Cinta bagiku bak fatamorgana di siang bolong (cinta terkadang muncul dari kejauhan tapi ketika ku berjalan mendekatinya mendadak hilang)

Cinta bagiku bak oase ditengah gurun pasir (cinta ada di suatu tempat tapi teramat susah bagiku untuk merasakan kesejukannya)

CInta bagiku bak buah khuldi (cinta ada di suatu tempat tapi terlarang untuk menikmatinya) *oke ini contoh yang teramat ekstrim xixixxi*

Cinta bagiku hanya sebuah fenomena ajaib yang tak pernah bisa dimengerti

Buatku cinta hanya menjadi kenyataan didalam mimpi dan khayalku semata sehingga tak sekalipun berani berharap lebih jauh jika cinta yang kuimpikan kelak akhirnya menjadi kenyataan...

Jadi jika ada yang bertanya padaku tentang apa itu cinta, sungguh tak mampu memberikan jawaban mengenai apa makna cinta, wujud cinta karena sesungguhnya aku tak pernah mengenal arti cinta itu sendiri

*tulisan ini dibuat ketika sedang hujan jadi terbawa suasana mellow*

Good Bye OVOSMIL

2009-10-02T07:24:00.000+07:00

Good Bye OVOSMIL

Good Bye OVOSMIL :) This time for good :) Good Bye :)

Bismillahirohmannirahim :)

Akhirnya setelah mendapat pencerahan dari seorang sahabat baik let just say his name KODOK dan beberapa teman lainnya, aku memutuskan untuk mengambil langkah besar untuk semua ini...

Maafkan aku jika keputusan yang kuambil kali ini membuat hati terluka dan sakit hati...

Maafkan aku karena keputusan ini harus kuambil demi kebahagiaan bersama...

Kau tak bisa mengambil dan bersikap tegas jadi kupikir demi kebaikan bersama, aku mencoba mengesampingkan perasaan dan mengambil keputusan ini....

Dika gak bisa terus menerus dalam kondisi ketidakpastian seperti ini because its killing me...

Di satu sisi kamu bilang semua hal yang indah dan sisi yang lain kamu minta aku untuk tetap membuka hati aku...

Berpuluh kali kita membahas masalah yang sama dan selalu berujung you push me away (as always)

Until today my feeling still the same but i just can't ignore the fact i want more than this...

I want to have something more than this which by the way that something you just can't give it to me...

Selamat tinggal Kadal Brunei. Selamat Tinggal Yudi Kuswoyo. Selamat Tinggal Masku sayang.

Makasih buat kebersamaan kita yang singkat. Thanks for everything :)

Semoga kamu selalu bahagia. Hope you find your happiness.

Good Bye OVOSMIL :) Good bye for good :)

Still friend right :)

*i won't let myself cry again because of this. This is the last time i cry for you*

Makasih dah jadi sahabat dan teman yang baik buat dika...

Maafin dika :) Maafin dika :)

Push Me Again I'll Gone for Good

2009-10-01T17:39:00.006+07:00

Push Me Again I'll Gone for Good

Same old topic we argued suddenly pop up again *sigh*

I just can't understand him and the way he think about all that kinda stuff..

When the very first time that kinda topic emerge to the top, i try to understand about it even for some reason i never understand the real reason *sigh*

He always said that : aku takut ngga bisa ngebahagiain kamu. Jujur aku lebih sayang kamu daripada diri aku sendiri bla bla bla bla... Gak ada yang bisa aku banggain untuk buat kamu tetap disamping aku *what the hell was that. Kenapa mesti mikir gitu*

He said this and after that he said that... RIBET... RUNGSING

Dan sekarang kembali muncul lagi *BOSEN NGEBAHAS HAL YANG SAMA*

KEEP PUSHING ME LIKE THIS! WHY?

KENAPA HARUS AKU TERUS MENGERTI? KENAPA HARUS DIKA TERUS YANG MENGERTI TENTANG SEMUA INI?

BISA GILA KALO GINI TERUS!! BISA BISA NEKAT BUAT NGAKHIRIN SEMUANYA!

KAMU ITU KEBAHAGIAAN AKU, AKU SAYANG KAMU, AKU GAK MAU ORANG LAIN, AKU CUMA MAU KAMU!

SEKARANG KASIH TAU BAGIAN MANA YANG KAMU NGGA NGERTI !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Give me a real reason why every time the subject pop up, u always pushing me away like this!

Kalo memang ada orang lain yang bisa bikin kamu lebih bahagia ketimbang aku, detik ini juga aku akan pergi dari kamu, aku ikhlas dunia akhirat :)

KESABARAN ORANG ADA LIMITNYA DAN DIKA GAK TAU DIMANA LIMITNYA TAPI SATU HAL YANG PASTI KA CAPEK TERUS TERUSAN DI PUSH KAYAK GINI TERUS MENERUS...

KALO MEMANG DENGAN AKU PERGI DARI KEHIDUPAN KAMU BISA BIKIN HIDUP KAMU LEBIH BAHAGIA, FINE BY ME!

AKU JUGA GAK MAU BERTAHAN SAMA ORANG YANG GAK MAU MEMPERJUANGKAN AKU..

MAYBE THIS TIME I REALLY HAD TO SAID GOODBYE...

MAYBE GOODBYE ITS THE BEST THING FOR US...

PUSHING ME AGAIN I'LL GONE FOR GOOD...

AND DON'T BLAME ME IF I REALLY GONE FROM YOUR LIFE BECAUSE U FORCED ME TO LEAVE

SIGH

could it be?

2009-09-29T02:13:00.000+07:00

After all I've been through, could it be him '' my pelangi kehidupan''?

After all this year, could it be him the one that should be called my pelangi kehidupan?

Might be too early to make that kinda statement now but I've never been happier like this...

Feel happy enough just to hear my phone ring when its show his name..

Never feel bored had a silly stupid conversation with him and talk about everything specially never bored to received his call or call him..

Never bored enough read his silly stupid message on my cellphone...

Never bored enough with him

With him, i can talk almost about everything *well there are something that i think i should keep it for myself* but he is the best because he listen every single word i said *well thats new because bawel yang pendiam is my nickname*, keep in his memory....

He is a brother, teacher, a friend, a lover comes true....

Yeah right, some sarcastic people would said : yah skrg aja puja puji tunggu aja nggak lama lagi sumpah serapah :p

I don't care what people said about me and him, all i know that he is the best thing that happen to me...

We are adore each other that well, probably will make other got collapse in ER... <- xixixi Even someday everything don't have a happy ending, i'll keep the memory forever

Feeling guilty

2009-09-23T10:14:00.000+07:00

Do you ever feel relief in one side and feeling guilty on the other side?

What should i said to you?

My honesty become a truly nightmare but trust me because i don't have bad intention to you.

I think you should know it now before it destroy you....

I know that i shouldn't tell you about this but i don't want you know from others and then you might hate me later.....

Truly truly sorry if my honesty make u disappointed and all the sudden lost hope about your life

Trust me that you'll find someone who'll keep you in her world as her treasure.

You keep saying that you don't have a boat and lure to catch a fish.

Well you probably forget that you already have a yacht and lure to catch the fish in the sea.

So many fish out there in the sea, you just have to find the courage to search the greatest fish who will come to you...

You keep saying that you don't have a crew to help you out.

Who need a crew when you are the captain?

Keep the faith and trust that someday you'll find the right fish....

You're such an amazing person with amazing personality and you deserve the very best

Segala sesuatu akan indah disaat yang tepat

Wish you good luck :)

We're cool right?

Still friend right?

How?

2009-09-18T22:27:00.000+07:00

How to explain about how i felt if i don't know what i feel ?

How am i supposed to said when i don't have anything to said?

How am i supposed to do when i don't have a clue what am i supposed to do?

How i am supposed to act when i don't know how to act?

They can said whatever they want...

They might say i am stupid or naive for not doing the right thing but one thing they forget its my life not their life so its up to me!

They can said i am stupid, naive, super dupper stubborn people but i really don't care...

Because i know for sure this is not what i want

Sorry for make u disappointed but this is not what i want...

Maafkan aku karena hanya kata itu yang bisa meluncur dariku...

Please forgive me

2009-09-18T22:26:00.000+07:00

Here i am asking you to forgive me for everything or anything that i can't give it to you....

Here i am asking your kindness to understand everything i said to you

Here i am asking you to give up because there no use trying to make anything happen because it never happen in the first place...

Here i am asking you to forgive my stubbornness thought because thats what i really felt and the true is i felt nothing

Here i am asking you to leave because there nothing you can do to make me change my mind to let you stay....

Here i am asking you to hate me because this stupid person was taking you for granted and i am being ungrateful enough....

Here i am asking you to help yourself because no body will help you if you insist for stay....

Here i am asking you to take the right decision for your life because i already give you the sign to back off

Here i am asking you to forgive because this stupid person already made up her mind and it won't change for good...

Maafkan aku

Bukber Reuni 2009

2009-09-15T05:52:00.000+07:00

Another Bukber Reuni 2009..

Seperti tahun sebelumnya, tahun ini bukber reuni diadakan kembali di lokasi yang sama dengan pertambahan personil tiga orang yakni : najwa, alvaro, sama sapto *calonnya sang sita* hohoho

Buka puasa yang semarak ditambah dengan kehadiran 3 bintang tamu utama kali ini : najwa, alvaro sama sapto plus ditambah dengan kabar gembira karena sang sita akan segera melepas masa lajangnya di bulan desember tahun ini *i am veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy happyyyyyyyyyyyy for you*

Seperti biasa pertanyaan klasik membosankan itu mampir kembali xixixixixi

Sang sita pun berkata : tenang, gw kan desember... dika januari xixixixixi *ngga dibatasin kan tahunnya karena kalo januari tahun depan sepertinya gedung fully booked semua nampaknya*

Sayangnya bukber reuni kali ini hanya dengan formasi 4 *lagi lagi mahluk satu itu tak bisa hadirpun huh teramat sangat mengecewakan*

Jadi inget kelakar hari itu : setahun aja nambah dua personil jadi wondering tahun depan nambah berapa ya :p jiahahahahahaha

Hopefully next time saya yang akan membawa kabar gembira beserta sang mahluknya ke hadapan kalian

Aminnnnnnnnnnnn

kok bisa?

2009-09-14T05:11:00.005+07:00

Kok bisa? <-- pertanyaan itu yang tiba tiba muncul mengusik benak saat ini...

mengapa bisa secepat itu memutuskan untuk mengambil niat seperti itu tanpa terlebih dahulu mengetahui lebih dalam?

Sebenarnya hal ini sangat lumrah mengingat betapa seringnya daku mengambil keputusan secara impulsif tanpa menelaahnya lebih lanjut tapi entah mengapa aku masih teramat sangat heran jika hal yang sama terjadi pada orang lain..

Tapi sungguh aku sangat tidak habis pikir mengapa dia keukeuh dengan keputusan impulsifnya...

Entahlah mungkin aku sudah sangat apatis dengan semua hal yang dia tawarkan padaku karena bagiku semua itu hanya bisa kuraih dalam mimpi saja...

Entah apa yang harus kukatakan jika dia tetap bersikeras dengan pendiriannya...

Satu hal yang menganggu benakku : mengapa dia dengan mantap menjatuhkan keputusan itu kepadaku meski dia belum sekalipun bertemu dan mengenalku secara pribadi...

Keputusan impulsif yang teramat sangat ceroboh..

Ada baiknya kau pikirkanlah matang-matang sebelum akhirnya menyesal karena karena aku tak layak untuk dijadikan pilihan terakhirmu...

Kau layak mendapat yang terbaik untukmu...

*mo kembali tidur lagi*

am i worthed?

2009-09-07T06:26:00.000+07:00

Somehow those question came to my mind....

Am i worthed enough to be loved by someone?

Am i worthed enough to received love and being loved by someone?

Somehow feel jealous when i see all my best friend already find their soul mate and have their own little happy family and asked myself when is it my time will come?

Feel bored with the old same question dari jaman purbakala itu :

Kamu kapan married?

Pacarnya mana?

Kenalin dunk pacarnya?

huyuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh -_-'

pertanyaan purbakala yang bikin cutrissssssssssssssssssss...

apa jangan-jangan mereka semua mengira saya terlalu amat sangat bahagia sendiri kali yach saking ngga pernah liat seorang dika dengan lelaki *maaf, orientasi seksual saya masih normal kok.. Asli masih suka lelaki :p*

Semua orang terlalu amat sangat heboh dengan kesendirianku di usia yang kalo kata orang sudah teramat sangat kritis dan tampaknya mereka tak pernah menanyakan apa perasaanku jika mereka terus menerus menanyakan pertanyaan yang sama...

Mereka hanya bisa berkilah kami berkata seperti ini karena kami perduli dan sayang padamu <-- kalo aku mulai berdemo dan mengajukan keberatan *kayak disidang aja*

Mungkin memang benar adanya orang disekitarku melihat bahwasanya aku teramat sangat cuek untuk urusan pasangan hidup *bahkan salah satu sahabat karibku blak-blakan bicara seperi ini : lu tuh kudu mikirin hal itu wel, lu tuh terlalu cuek wel.. inget wel, inget umur.. (gubraxxxxxxxxxxxxx)*

Yah sebenarnya ndak seperti itu...

Mencoba bersikap cuek karena sadar bersikap ngotot pun tak ada gunanya...

Tersadar ketika pertanyaan itu muncul kembali ke hadapanku...

Am i worthed enough to be loved by someone?

Apakah aku cukup berharga untuk dicintai oleh seseorang?

Apakah aku cukup berharga untuk dijadikan pendamping hidup seseorang?

Apakah aku cukup berharga untuk diperjuangkan?

Apakah aku cukup berharga untuk dicintai dan mencintai seseorang?

Apakah aku cukup berharga untuk mendapatkan keluarga kecilku sendiri?

*huyuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh efek hibernasi seharian dan gak tidur semalaman nunggu sahur jadi beginilah*

Mungkin jika suatu saat mereka mengajukan pertanyaan yang sama, aku cukup menjawab dengan diplomatis saja :Aku belum menemukan pria khilafku.....

*enough mellow mellow*

Tergoda

2009-09-07T05:29:00.008+07:00

Tergoda? Pasti semua orang pernah merasakan tergoda akan sesuatu hal yang baru padahal dalam genggamannya sudah memiliki apa yang dia inginkan diluar sana...

example like this :

seseorang tergoda bin tergiur tawaran kerja yang menggiurkan di tempat lain padahal ditempat kerja yang sekarang posisi yang dipunyai sudah bikin ngiler semua orang...
seseorang tergoda untuk menjalin hubungan dengan yang lain padahal disampingnya sudah punya seseorang yang sangat menyayanginya...

hmmm

Mungkin wajar jika seseorang merasa tergoda *namanya juga godaan syaitannirojim hehehe*

Jika akhirnya seseorang menyerah kepada godaan yang selama ini berusaha dia hindari apakah itu artinya orang itu lemah karena dia lebih memilih untuk tergoda hal lainya dibandingkan untuk tetap bertahan dengan apa yang dia punya sekarang...

salahkah jika saat ini merasa tergoda tetapi belum merasa perlu menyerah terhadap godaan meski belum tahu apakah yang kupunya saat ini layak untuk dipertahankan...

tell me where i stand?

Katakan bagaimana dan jelaskan apa yang ada sekarang karena saat ini aku mulai tergoda...

Maafkan jika kejujuranku membuat sakit hati tapi aku hanya ingin semua menjadi jelas..

sama sekali tak terlintas dalam benakku untuk menyakiti siapapun karena aku tahu bagaimana rasanya disakiti sedemikian rupa...

Maafkan aku yang mulai tergoda tapi sungguh aku akan berusaha sekuat tenaga untuk tidak menyerah pada godaan tersebut....

Mohon berikan aku penjelasan apa yang ada sekarang....

OVOSMIL :) luv u always

why?

2009-08-30T22:38:00.000+07:00

Tonight when start to think again about the whole agreement thing...

Makes me wonder how could i've agree with such a stupidity agreement!

I don't wanna screw up anything and everything but i don't think that i can keep up my promise.....

Things going much more deeper than we predict before but to be honest this is the result that i really want to see...

I can said don't worry about me because everything is under control <- that's a lie because i can't control that anymore....

We keep saying if that someday remember about today, we can smile remember everything instead crying it out loud.....

We keep saying would feel extremely happy if one day our dream is not fullfiled and we will be happy enough just to see each other happy with other people <- well just to imagine of that already make me jealous thinking how can i be that stupid enough to let my happiness away from me....

I know this topic usually made us feel bitter about tomorrow and how this topic made the situation more worse....

All i can say is that don't force me to keep that stupid promise because i can't handle it if the situation comes to reality....

I know already promise to keep that promise but i can't help myself....

But for some reason you want to keep those promise, its ok for me just don't force me to do the same thing because i don't want to fool myself anymore

If someday finally read about this, i just want to said that i never regret anything or everything about you because you are the best thing that happen in my life :)

Tell me is it good or bad

2009-08-30T22:07:00.000+07:00

changes sometimes can be a dilematic problem specially when relates about something unusual for certain peoples but its usual for many people...

Changes for a better future that would be great for everyone :)

Perubahan seringkali membuat kita mengerling heran bertanya mengapa berubah sedemikian dahsyat?

Perubahan seringkali disalahartikan dengan mengubah keseluruhan perilaku, adat, tabiat menjadi wujud yang tidak terkontaminasi apapun....

Perubahan hendaknya disikapi dengan arif dan bijaksana...

Perubahan yang terjadi tak seharusnya disikapi dengan berjuta pertanyaan bernada menuduh tak mendasar....

Jika perubahan yang terjadi ternyata melahirkan jurang yang dalam, apa yang harus dilakukan?

Jika setitik perubahan ternyata hanya menghasilkan perseteruan tak berujung, apa makna dari perubahan tersebut?

Jika perubahan yang terjadi hanya menghasilkan kemajuan yang stagnan, langkah apa yang harus diambil?

Tell me is it good or bad?

Pasrah

2009-08-25T05:18:00.006+07:00

There's nothing else i can do to convince him...

It's all dead end because he choose to closed the door before knowing what inside the room...

Thousand question still can't find the answer neither the solution....

arghhhhhhhhh

How can he be that stubborn enough when he know exactly everything about it?

Damn Accessories! <-- I don't give a DAMN about it.

Accessories is just Accessories <-- there's no need to brag about it!

I am happy for everything i had in my life right now but that doesn't mean i give a DAMN about accessories..

If i can choose what i can have in my life, i would do that but sadly i can't choose what i had in my life right now..

He said that i don't have anything to be brag on you <-- What the hell was that? you know DAMN RIGHT about how ifeel about us and how i don't give a DAMN about all the stupid accessories that you always worried about... <-- which part can't you understand? Happiness <- who can guarantee about that? neither you or me can guarantee about that...

you already choose to run from the fight which never begin.. really disappointed with your decision...

how come you said all those sweet, lovable, memorable things but you just don't wanna fight for it?

I am happy for see you happy <-- don't you realized that you are my happiness

You are the first man who made me feel like a teenager for falling in love with you You are the best thing that happen in my life....

I feel comfortable with you, feel free to talk about everything without afraid to be judge by you.

I am happy even just heard your voice, reading your email and some stupid message from you...

Even sometimes i feel sad about us but when i am with you, the clock just stopped...

I am not exaggerate anything but only write what i feel about it...

Although I've said before i will stand by your side until you force me to leave you and Takdir Allah Swt but the true is i couldn't leave you even you force me to do that for my own good...

Ever heard about the wisdom busuk that said Cinta tidak harus memiliki <-- well i never and don't buy that crap..

Cinta tidak harus memiliki itu adalah jalan terakhir yang harus ditempuh ketika mengerahkan segala daya dan upaya tak memiliki hasil dan solusi barulah itu jalan terakhir yang ditempuh...

maka ketika belum mengerahkan segala daya dan upaya dan kemudian memutuskan untuk menyerah <-- itu yang sama sekali membuatku tak habis pikir...

Jika satu hari kau membaca postingan ini, aku hanya ingin kau tahu bahwa semua ini mungkin terasa terlalu berlebihan buatmu tapi ini semua keluar dari hati yang terdalam...

Maaf jika ada kata-kata yang terlalu menusuk hati..

Maaf karena tak pernah mengerti semua keputusanmu...

Maaf jika semua yang terungkap disini membuatmu menjadi semakin merasa bersalah karena ternyata semua lebih dalam dari yang kau perkirakan.

One thing for sure : i never regret for knowing you and falling in love with you is the best thing that happen in my life...

*mo tidur dulu ach*

ketika cinta tak harus memiliki

2009-08-17T02:25:00.000+07:00

Cinta, Satu kata yang dapat membuat seseorang menangis, gembira, bahagia, kecewa, terluka karenanya...

Cinta, satu kata yang dapat membuat gonjang ganjing dunia seseorang..

Cinta, satu kata yang mampu memberikan warna cerah dalam kehidupan dan warna kelam dalam kehidupan..

Cinta bagaikan pelangi yang indah ditengah kekeringan gurun pasir...

Logikanya jika mencintai seseorang pastinya ingin memilikinya untuk selamanya...

Bohong jika tak berniat seperti itu.,,

Tetapi jika akhirnya cinta terjebak dalam kondisi tidak bisa memiliki, apa artinya itu semua?

Jika menyukai, menyayangi seseorang dengan sepenuh hati namun banyak rintangan yang menghadang dan akhirnya harus puas dengan hanya bisa melihatnya berbahagia meski tak bisa memilikinya...

Apa cukup puas hanya dengan melihatnya bahagia meski itu akhirnya melukai diri kita....

Mungkinkah rasa sayang terhadap seseorang bisa terpuaskan hanya dengan melihatnya berbahagia dengan yang lain?

Kalo seperti itu jadinya bukankah sama saja seperti memutuskan untuk walk out dalam pertandingan bahkan jauh sebelum pertandingan dimulai...

Sedalam itukah rasa sayang dimiliki sehingga rela meski tak bisa memilikinya dan mendampinginya....

Bukankah itu sama saja dengan berkata bahwa kau terlalu bagus untukku, aku takut tidak bisa membahagiakanmu, etc....

Jika memang seperti itu, apalah guna jika rasa itu terkuak ke hadapan meski akhirnya kemudian memutuskan untuk tak memilikinya...

Argh sudahlah...

Dah pagi buta, saatnya tidur :)

Awan Kelabu

2009-08-13T22:24:00.000+07:00

pelangi menghilang ditelan bumi.....

Pelangi yang pernah berjanji tak akan pergi tapi ternyata ingkar janji...

Pelangi kini menghilang tak tentu rimba....

Pelangi hanya meninggalkan pesan tertulis : saatnya untuk pergi dari sini.. Jangan paksa saya untuk menepati janji yang pernah saya ucapkan.... Maafkan saya...

Hanya selembar memo yang ditinggalkan.....

Pelangi hilang......

Yang ada hanya segerombolan awan kelabu, awan hitam ditemani dengan topan badai......

Awan kelabu hanya berkata : hai kawan, aku datang menemuimu... Sudah lama kita tak berjumpa.....

Awan hitam berkata : hai kawan, masih ingatkah kau denganku?

Topan badai hanya melambaikan tangan seolah hendak menenangkan kawannya yang sedang bermuram durja....

hanya bisa menyambut awan hitam, awan kelabu, topan badai dengan senyuman tipis...

Selamat datang :)